tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post5328463420186514582..comments2023-04-29T05:25:25.200-06:00Comments on Loving Me Always: Our Teenagers Know!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-73884205529351489242014-01-29T16:48:05.657-07:002014-01-29T16:48:05.657-07:00Oh yes, I know he difference between sexual spanki...Oh yes, I know he difference between sexual spankings and punishment spankings. But I was making the observation that even punishment spankings seem to be ultimately sexual in that they do cause that intense connection that, because we are integrated beings, in the largest context of dominance/submissive dynamic does seem to be erotic. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-5042404180218624262014-01-28T17:54:40.296-07:002014-01-28T17:54:40.296-07:00Hi Irish,
I'm glad to hear your feedback has ...Hi Irish, <br />I'm glad to hear your feedback has been plentiful and positive! I have been a member of some groups before that shunned anyone talking to their kids about dd or d/s as if it was wrong....glad that's not the case here. There is a time and place for all things. Btw, if you were too good and weren't sassy I bet Alex would get bored ;)River Wildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12914080438490765849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-89362389273461805032014-01-28T16:14:25.322-07:002014-01-28T16:14:25.322-07:00Hi River,
Ahhhhh.. Thank you! I have gotten seve...Hi River,<br /><br />Ahhhhh.. Thank you! I have gotten several emails on this post, but I can happily say the majority are all positive. Not sure if you find more people like to email than leave comments, but that seems to be the norm for me. Either way it is very fun to meet/converse with new people and get to know more about them. :0) Our kids have been watching us like hawks since we have talked to them. Alex told me that Kyle made a comment about how in the world I could be so sassy with this dynamic. He just laughed and told him sassy was my middle name. LOL. <br /><br />Thanks so much for coming by and saying hi! :0)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-89633300155280367322014-01-25T21:07:42.552-07:002014-01-25T21:07:42.552-07:00This is such a sweet post! The whole way the two o...This is such a sweet post! The whole way the two of you handled that was just perfect and you can tell from your children's responses the love and trust they place in their parents. I almost cried at the "talk talk" you had with Kaylee, what a special moment that must have been! My own daughter is 13 and she watches our dynamic very closely when she thinks we aren't paying attention. Thank you so much for sharing how you handled your children's questions. While some people will no doubt have a negative reaction to this post, I think it will truly be helpful to most of us. River Wildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12914080438490765849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-18363950803564401742014-01-23T10:53:43.089-07:002014-01-23T10:53:43.089-07:00Hi Wilma,
You are so right... We have family to s...Hi Wilma,<br /><br />You are so right... We have family to support us and the kids that understand and know all about this dynamic. I think having their cousins to talk with is a blessing! Plus they grew up with Alex leading the family and me differing to him.. Well most the time! :0) Let's face it the man screams alpha and has always been the disciplinarian in our home they didn't want to mess with. I am a bit easier to push over, but they are always asking me to back them with Dad. HA! So I don't think this was too hard of a leap for them. :0)<br /><br />You are so right.. Spanking is a VERY small part of this! I don't find it to be even one of the hard parts either.. Submission is the HARDEST thing about this dynamic. I also find it hard to block out the stress from work and the world in general and differ to him after being in charge of a group of people at work all day. Super hard to make the switch in my head and attitude. <br /><br />Sorry I had you noodling this all day! :0) But super glad you didn't just ditto and told me what you were thinking. Thank you! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-73241965387840369462014-01-23T09:56:41.388-07:002014-01-23T09:56:41.388-07:00Hi Beth,
Wow.. Fun topic indeed! :0)
Alex and ...Hi Beth,<br /><br />Wow.. Fun topic indeed! :0)<br /><br />Alex and I talked about the kids talking with others and we both agree that knowing our kids they will probably talk with their cousins but not with anyone outside the family. So we are not too worried about that. <br /><br />So your comments about spanking being sexual... I can't disagree, since we started the "fun" spankings and they are VERY FUN. :0) But when they are for punishment they are NOT fun nor am I turned on in the least bit. But I feel closer to Alex right after, like I want to be held and be where ever he is for several hours... So we do get a certain connection overload from spanking.. If that makes sense. But I guess what I am trying to say is there is a separation for me when it comes to punishments and the marriage bed. <br /><br />I don't have any idea what the difference between DD and CDD is.. :0) So I can't really respond to that at all. <br /><br />As for telling our kids or implying that spanking is sexual.. They obviously know that it can be, as 50 Shades clued them into that. But we were very clear that ours was for discipline. <br /><br />Would we ever tell them we have "fun" spankings? Like you said, as parents we can tell when they are old enough or ready for information. When Kaylee is old enough and it is appropriate, you better bet I will share with her the fun spanking in the marriage bed can be! :0)<br /><br />Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your thoughts! :0) <br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-32565254003981685172014-01-22T22:03:30.637-07:002014-01-22T22:03:30.637-07:00I have been thinking about this all day and how to...I have been thinking about this all day and how to comment. LOL. <br /> It must be so incredibly different for you and Alex, because Alex has family members that practice Dd. Not too mention you have always practiced ttwd, so it certainly isn't going anywhere. I also think that having both a boy and a girl is very helpful with this revelation as both sides of the coin can be addressed and discussed. <br /> We have 3 boys, who are somewhat younger...and the same age and younger again..LOL. but there is no way,because of our extended family dynamic I would ever feel comfortable disclosing this to them. In our scenario they wouldn't understand and at their ages it would be most likely more confusing to them. At your house it appears that it is totally unique in the way your children perceive ttwd. Which is fantastic for your family life. AWKWARD maybe now and at times in the future, but like you said, you don't talk about your sex life with your kids, yet they are proof you had it at least twice- but you can answer questions about sex...I suppose spanking will be the same<br />AND let's be honest here, spanking is really such a small, albeit PAINful part of ttwd/Dd.<br /> I think your daughter and niece seeing that their mothers/aunts 'submit', 'yield' , 'defer' whatever choice one likes, and still maintain a backbone and a voice is a very good thing, verses the general populous who seems to think submission equates to suppression in the Western world.<br /><br />HUH...I should have just said 'ditto' to what Grace said! LOL<br />williewilliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01907855123777628267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-69402080528292547202014-01-22T14:41:07.086-07:002014-01-22T14:41:07.086-07:00But here's the difference that is usually foun...But here's the difference that is usually found in the Dd dynamic. As much as each individual is to be self-initiating and directing in their own spiritual growth (in order to become more mature -- and note that this is AFTER learning submission to authority starting from early childhood), the final authority for deciding how each person may end up being accountable for attitude or actions is usually the husband. This is a chosen dynamic by both partners in the marriage, whether or not they believe that husbands have been given particular authority by God to discipline their wives in any way.<br /><br />Now, of course, some spouses choose for the husband to be very directive and dominant, and for the wife to have little initiative or even much say in what she is accountable for, and how. But most do have huge participation by the wife, including initiative and feedback.<br /><br />So, why do they choose for the husband to have the final say, including in how he himself is accountable and the consequences he may embrace for a transgression, as well as the children, and also even his wife? Even if he only exercises that "final say" after he has sought all input, and usually chooses to follow (especially his wife's) input?<br /><br />Because it is HOT. It is an intimate and affectionate and sexually charged dynamic, apparently by God's design.<br /><br />The activity or consequence of spanking is merely one more tool in the bag of spiritual disciplines that can theoretically be used on any family member. In families who choose to spank at all, often the children are spanked only when small, and perhaps even then, rarely. Older children or teens are spanked only for the gravest offences, if at all, in most families. (Yes, some do spank clear into college age, I hear, or even later, but that is definitely the minority.) Spanking as applied to the wife, however, looks and feels completely different.<br /><br />And this is where it seems that it would be an anticlimactic "revelation" that Mom gets spanked. If the older kids ask, the answer could be something like, "Yep. Both of us like the special dynamic that Dad spanking Mom adds to our marriage, as part of mutual accountability in our home. That's confidential, just like all the other spiritual formation "stuff" that goes on in our home, so you are not free to share it with anyone else without our permission. We'll explain more about it as you get older."<br /><br />Irish Lucky, this is kinda what Alex and you did when he told your kids that what happens in your marriage bed is your business. Indirectly he was saying that spanking in marriage is in some way sexual.<br /><br />I know some who practice CDD deny the sexuality of it, but most people acknowledge that spanking for accountability in marriage is sexually driven in the larger sense, even if it feels anything but sexual at the moment.<br /><br />In that sense, revelation of spanking in marriage is very much like revealing any other aspect of our sex lives or marriage dynamic to our kids. We seem to sense when we should reveal what and to which kid. And lots of it isn't until they are adults.<br /><br />Fun topic!<br /><br />Beth ElleAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-44122197699179607312014-01-22T14:40:44.822-07:002014-01-22T14:40:44.822-07:00It's not kids knowing that's the big worry...It's not kids knowing that's the big worry, I think, as much as them TELLING :-). If they can't keep confidence, it can cause big headaches!<br /><br />You guys handled it great! It's a dilemma we've all read on several blogs. Just for fun, I'll "hypothesize" below about one way parents might consider handling it, especially if they have time to plan ahead:<br /><br />One way to approach this (particularly for those who are Christian and practice DD -- and especially for those who are Christian but don't practice CDD) would be to instill in the whole family the understanding that the family is basically a microcosm of the Church or the Kingdom of God, and that one of it's main purposes is spiritual formation of every member.<br /><br />This means that you can end up facilitating spiritual formation within the family similarly to a small group, albeit with more authoritarian roles and practices than most small groups have in them.<br /><br />But as the children get older and more capable, spiritual formation for all becomes more communally integrated and self-directed at the same time. Everyone is intentional about their own spiritual growth. All are accountable to the rest of the group for spiritual growth and for actions and attitudes. All pray for each other. All confess to each other. All are accountable to each other (albeit in somewhat different ways). All practice spiritual disciplines.<br /><br />All take individual responsibility and initiative, as they are able, for directing their own growth, including even consequences or spiritual exercises/spiritual disciplines, etc., and participate in helping others in theirs as well, with spiritual authority being acquired as they mature.<br /><br />Raised in a context like this, it is not a foreign idea at all to children that all adults are also held accountable. It's just a part of life and normal spiritual growth.<br /><br />Part two under this. Feel free to delete if too long! :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-68307290997885371662014-01-22T13:00:33.478-07:002014-01-22T13:00:33.478-07:00Hi Grace,
HA! I don't blame you one bit... I...Hi Grace,<br /><br />HA! I don't blame you one bit... If I was reading about another person having to explain this to their kids I would be thinking the same thing. :0)<br /><br />Thanks so much for coming by.. :0)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-53538460981123563792014-01-22T12:58:25.508-07:002014-01-22T12:58:25.508-07:00Hi Sara,
Thanks! :0) We are super happy it went...Hi Sara,<br /><br />Thanks! :0) We are super happy it went as smooth as it did and so far other than feeling they are watching our every move they are really good about it all. Kyle is asking way more questions than Kaylee, but Alex is fielding them like a champ. <br /><br />Thanks so much for coming by.. :0)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-52679475921522225432014-01-22T12:56:15.863-07:002014-01-22T12:56:15.863-07:00Hi Dana,
Thanks! :0) Everything went just way b...Hi Dana,<br /><br />Thanks! :0) Everything went just way better than I had ever thought it would... I had built up some monster scenarios in my head for the last few years. <br /><br />Thanks so much for coming by.. :0)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-44309552727606255612014-01-22T12:53:15.673-07:002014-01-22T12:53:15.673-07:00Hi Leah,
Yes, I no longer have the feeling of ......Hi Leah,<br /><br />Yes, I no longer have the feeling of ...when? I always knew we would talk to them, but was hoping for us to go to them and not the other way around or have them catch us in a bad situation. You know my parents didn't talk about sex at ALL.. I mean it was taboo in our house. I had so many questions and I had to go to friends to get the answers. So I don't want that for my children. Knowledge really is power and I want them to get their knowledge from good resources and not just main stream. I can tell you both kids are watching us like hawks, or at least it feels like that to me. Alex said it will pass, just give them time to settle with this new information. You are probably right, bunch of kids who have parents that don't care what they read brought those books to school. Grrrrrrr.. <br /><br />Thanks so much for coming by.. :0)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409977636543884387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-90833394195528752632014-01-22T12:27:15.770-07:002014-01-22T12:27:15.770-07:00Yikes. I guess truthfully what I'm thinking i...Yikes. I guess truthfully what I'm thinking is, better you than me! lol I think you guys handled it well though, given the situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-89597082643478967682014-01-22T07:48:29.984-07:002014-01-22T07:48:29.984-07:00This is something we all think about for sure... w...This is something we all think about for sure... what if someone finds out, kids, family, friends. Hopefully all will go well. It sounds like you did your best to cover all angles. <br /><br />Hugs and prayers too!<br />saraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-27614298921920564302014-01-21T22:07:33.841-07:002014-01-21T22:07:33.841-07:00All I can say is WoW.. I hope that The Man and I ...All I can say is WoW.. I hope that The Man and I can handle things as well as you and your hubby did. I am so very impressed. Good on you!!!Danahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13148756931282483079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7212712207893602436.post-68052008419065887592014-01-21T20:06:59.672-07:002014-01-21T20:06:59.672-07:00Wow! This is something. Do you feel a little rel...Wow! This is something. Do you feel a little relieved that the cat's out of the bag? My parents were very open with us about money, sex, whatever. I'm sure other parents would be horrified but it worked in the family I grew up in. I hope your kids keep coming to you for conversation.<br /><br />(and it's probably a whole handful of kids who brought 50 Shades to school which is why it's important that parents talk to their kids about sex)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08858642432841882311noreply@blogger.com