Beware Of Zombies...

I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL 4th of July!!!!   We went to Jay and Lori's for a swim party and  BBQ and had just about the entire family in attendance.  It has been a LONG time since everyone got together for fun without any sadness or drama, so it was very much needed.   The kids all had a blast (at least those that were not working) and a few actually made it to the fireworks, while the other half fell asleep and missed them.  Too much fun and sun did in most of the little people by dusk, so the adults enjoyed the show with some wine and peace.  It's hard getting use to the idea that most of our older kids have actual jobs now and had to work the holiday.  I get this is a really important part of them maturing and getting out in the world, but I miss them at dinner and special days like the 4th.  Sigh.  Change is never easy for me, I wish I was more flexible sometimes so I could just go with the flow and chill....

I miss my son, he got a job the day school let out and he is working as much as he can to save up for a new truck.  He is doing amazing and trying to keep up with our family times and keep his friends happy.  Alex let him do the stock shift twice already, as he gets more money an hour but it's in the middle of the night.  So we are pushing for him to work day hours and leave the night shift to older workers that don't have parents home freaking out. (Ok, fine have mothers at home freaking out that their baby is not home in bed!!!)  You can tell I am going to be a mess next year when he goes off to college right?  Ugh, not even going to think about that now.  I am sure he will stay home and pick a college within driving distance.. Yes, that is my mommy hope!

Kaylee well she is new to this and will get it with time but we are now helping her prioritize her time better.  We were only seeing her for minutes a day and that is just NOT going to happen, as least not at 15!  She and another friend are watching kids at the church Monday-Friday from 7am to 6pm and then she cleans two houses every weekend for some elderly folks for extra money too.  So she is busy, busy, busy....  But out of trouble and I know where she is, so that is VERY helpful.

I tried something new over the weekend.... Kaylee and I went into the game room and decided we wanted to see what these video games were all about.  The boys practically live on these things...or they did until they got old enough to work!  HA!  Amazing how that happens.. . So we got the xbox going and about twenty minutes later Kaylee called Kyle and after promising we wouldn't touch his account he got us setup and going.  I tell ya at this point I was thinking forget it.... Nothing can be worth all that confusion.  Sigh..  So he gets us going and says if I am play that Call Of Duty is a must, as he is thinking I would blow off major steam blowing things up.   Well sure, let's blow some stuff up... Or get killed about a thousand times trying to figure out how to shoot one thing!!

What I learned....

1. Don't mess with the teenagers!!

2. All teenagers playing xbox have friends... LOTS of friends!! You manage to take one out and they ALL come after you for revenge.

3. Technology is getting WAY too good.. The sound effects and visuals are all together WAY too real for me and ended up grossing me out.  I DON'T DO BLOOD & GUTS!!

4. ALL THESE GAMES HAVE BLOOD AND GUTS!!

5.  Zombies are dumb in general, but in numbers they will end your video gaming journey in a heart beat.  Which is sad, since they don't have an actual working heart at that point... But just saying....

Alex walked into the game room just in time to see me on top of the table yelling at the dead zombies on the screen that they would NEVER take me alive... After he got done laughing he had a go at it and decided that none of us should really be spending our time playing these games, they are super violent and gross..  I think he was just bothered because my score was just MUCH, MUCH higher than his when it was all said and done.  HA!

Over all I am happy to report that I have gone several days without getting myself into ANY (little things don't count!!) trouble so am thinking I am getting this retired thing down!  YES!!!   Oh and have I mentioned how much I enjoy my grocery shopping once again... All by myself, at my own pace and without any HELP.  It's fantastic!!!  

Sorry babe, I had to put that last part in here...  (Love you!!!)

Color me surprised!!

In my third week of retirement and have found a goal to work towards... Decorating the new house!

I have not had a moment to settle into this house and make it a home, it has been nonstop since we moved in with weddings and funerals.  Since my first retired project was to fix the mess I had made in the laundry room it started to wet my appetite for color...  All of our walls were painted a wheat color, so we haven't been subjected to white walls but just one basic color.  So when I went to fix the laundry room I decided to add some color and add some cheer, since laundry is one of my least favorite things to accomplish.  I went with a sky blue and got a border of clothes hanging on a outdoor line blowing in the breeze that matches perfectly.  Wow, what a difference walking into that room is from the rest of the house, it actually has some personality now.   It only took me three trips to Lowes to get the right amount of paint (I am not the best at painting but getting there...) and then the border was an after thought so back I went.  Now I decided to expand room by room so off to Lowes I went to get paint samples to decide what each room needed.

I should stop and explain a bit about myself so that you all see what my thought process on this is.. You can't appreciate crazy unless you get it completely detailed out the right way.  :0)  You see when I get my nails done, I usually just go with pink and white because any color by the three week time I return to have them done again will be driving me insane.  I can pick a color for my toes, as they are further away and I can cover them with shoes or socks if they bug me.  (See, I am a special kind of crazy right?)  So now I am thinking in my retired state, I will be spending large amounts of time in these rooms so they need to not drive me crazy with the wrong color.  With all this in mind I decided color samples should probably hang on the walls for a short period of time to test the color for bad reactions.  I had to go back and forth to Lowes a few times to get all the combinations I wanted to hang on my walls and then the borders needed to change depending on the colors being hung... It took a few days and several trips but by the weekend I had it all up and started my testing period.

In comes Alex...

He was a bit annoyed to come home and find bits of colored paper on every wall in the house and that I was on a first name basis with the paint counter guy at Lowes.  Well Alex baby I am a nice social person that likes to be friendly with people, especially when I see them so often. It had taken me several days of asking said counter guy (Barry :0)) for help and his advice as a paint expert. I was super tired on Friday night from finishing the border in the laundry room and my couple trips back and forth to Lowes.  I had several paint samples in bed with me and pictures of all the samples hung on the walls on my cell phone that I was comparing before I zonked out.  Alex found me that way and declared as he was trying to remove all the samples and tuck me in that Saturday was going to be a paint free day.  Which was super funny since he woke up with a paint sample stuck to the side of his face, as he had missed a few the night before in his clean up effort.  It was a really nice emerald color that did great things for his eyes, I told him that I would get him a shirt that color.  I thought it was a good idea, but all I got was the "you are pushing it" look as he removed and threw away my paint sample.  I did wait for him to be all the way in the bathroom before I went to save my paint sample only to hear him yell down the hall to leave it in the garbage.  Grrrrrrr.   The poor paint sample didn't mean to end up on his face, I am sure of it!  Sigh.  Good thing I had another sample in my bag, so not a total waste.  :0)

We were out to lunch on Saturday afternoon when my cell phone went off and it was Barry from the paint counter at Lowes.  He was calling to let me know new samples were delivered and did I want him to pull some off to the side for me.  Yes, that should have clued me in that maybe I was going a bit over board... But I was just excited to have more samples to work with and told him I would be by to pick them up later that afternoon.  I hung up and was locked into the eyes of one very ticked off husband, who cleared his throat and asked what part of a paint free day did I not understand.  "Oh no worries honey, I can call him back and let him know I will be by tomorrow or Monday. " I was picking up my phone to do just that when it was removed from my hands and put on his side of the table.  I then got a lecture on how retirement was to help me relax and focus on the kids and spoiling him.  See now we had been discussing my retirement for over a year now and never once did he mention that one of the outcomes of this would be me spoiling him.  I don't mind spoiling my husband at all, in fact I love taking care of him.  But now that he full out said as much and he was taking away my color joy I was a bit miffed myself.  Did I not just offer to by him a new shirt just this morning that would do great things for his eyes? Hmmmmm?   For some reason he didn't find that a very good retort and we ate the rest of our lunch in silence.  Grumpy man, totally killing my relaxed retirement mood.  (You all are still on my side right?  Yeah, me either now that I am thinking back on it and shaking my head.)

Sunday afternoon I had Lori come down after church and look at the color samples hanging and the boarders.  We had a glass of wine (I even pulled out my special stash) and were having a great time until the men came looking for us.  We had left them down the street with all the kids swimming and watching the BBQ and we might have lost track of time.  Lori had seen some really cute puppy print keep sakes and even another where you put the puppy prints next to their adult prints later with a photo between. Really fun idea and the chances of getting Alex to ever allow another puppy into our home is VERY slim.  So I was thinking we should take advantage of this time and see what my little puppy paws looked like.  It was all very controlled and not messy until the bigger dog wanted to see what was happening.  I had left him out to keep things controlled and he found another way back to us through the maze of the house.  So in he came and bounced himself right into the middle of things and knocked over the box of wallpaper samples and got himself tangled up.  That was just about the time the men left the older kids in charge and came down to retrieve us for lunch only to walk in to two giggling females, two puppies covered in paint and one large unhappy dog wrapped in wall paper.  It was funny how it all happened and we had it under control until the front door opened and the puppies decided to greet the new comers.  Ugh.   The paint all came off, it was wet and we got it fast so no long term issues or clean up efforts there.  My wallpaper that got mangled was not fit for anything but garbage, so was not happy about that at all.   But the kicker here is that Alex decided to blow this all out of proportion and got upset that we were messing around with paint when he had declared a order of a paint free weekend.   Excuse me???   "Um... Yeah, you declared Saturday paint free not the entire weekend!"   This I stated very matter of fact like while standing on the opposite side of the living room far, far, far away from mad and overly grumpy Alex.  That was the point that Alex asked Jay if he would mind taking Lori back down and we would join them in a bit, we need to have a discussion.

"What???   Come on really, this was all harmless and everything got cleaned up and we had a laugh. Get over it already and have a glass of wine grumpy."

Lori cleared her throat and give me a very clear (dang girl just say you are sorry and stop the madness look) and headed for the front door.  Thanks pal...  Jay looked around laughed and said the hazel nut was too dark for the kitchen and left.  (I tend to agree and have decided to go with cream brûlée instead)  So now Alex and I are alone and engage in a rather heated stare off, the dogs all feeling the tension had decided to head upstairs far, far away from us.  

Alex:  "You don't know how to do it do you?"

Me: "Do what?"

Alex: "Relax!"

Me: "I do too!!  I am the picture of relaxed until you come and take my fun away and get me all upset and NOT relaxed."

Alex: "You are so relaxed that every room of this house has bits of paper and paint hanging on them.  Every night the last two weeks you have made a new recipe that non of us have even heard of or can identify with the naked eye.  You have even gone to the trouble of making second meals in the case one of us doesn't liking the first meal and you even made the dogs meals instead of regular dog food!!  You have fallen asleep before I even make it to the bedroom because you are exhausted and now you are going toe to toe with me when I tell you enough is enough.  I thought given some time you would settle down and start to relax, but that isn't happening and I am done cutting you slack. It is VERY clear to me that you don't know how to relax and I am going to step in and help you along with it!"

He started his advance towards me right around the toe to toe bit and I started to back step towards the stairs.  I went to run around the sofa, but he is so darn big and fast I didn't make it past the arm of the sofa and was up and over his shoulder and on my way upstairs before I could start a full on panic.  Once we made it upstairs he went straight to the bed and down I went over his lap and down my shorts went and well... Let the discussion begin!  It was not a fun discussion and it took a while for me to submit and just let go, I surprised myself with the fuss I put up during the first part of the spanking.  Maybe I did have a bit of stress going on and maybe I had gone a bit over board on new recipes and getting the paint right.  When I finally let go I started to cry and told him I wasn't good at being retired and I was just completely messing it all up.  He stopped and cuddled me and rocked with me and whispered in my ear that being retired is not something I need to excel at but enjoy.  His goal was to see me happy and relaxed and not strained and barely hanging on anymore.  This was a gift he wanted me to enjoy and could I please start enjoying it for him.  Ugh... Talk about seeing the light!!  I didn't see the big picture here..Alex was giving me a huge gift and I didn't recognize it as being a gift but as yet another challenge.  He was 100% right, I don't know how to relax and I totally sucked at trying to figure it out on my own.

I have taken down all my paint samples and picked colors for all the rooms and each one will get done in time... But one room a month and if the color bugs me, I can pick another color and pick another month and tackle it then.  New recipes are nice, but in moderation and with some discussion with the family to ensure only one meal needs making.  The dogs like there dog food just fine and shouldn't be eating people food anyway so that insanity is also done.  I spent the entire day yesterday watching movies with my daughter, eating rice chips and laughing more than I can remember in a very LONG time.  Today I am writing and tonight is dinner out with my son and his new girlfriend.  (She actually is growing on me, much better than the last one did anyway.)  I did run out and get Alex a new shirt the color of emerald and I just know it will make his eyes pop!!  One day at a time... I am going to take this as the gift that was intended and try to not do CRAZY anymore...  Or maybe not as much.  :0)

Whew... What a month!

Hello out there...  I am finally grabbing a few minutes to say howdy and I am still here!

Lots of change in the last few weeks, some for the good and some sad but we are dealing.


Marie was smart as a whip and what she lacked in size she gained in personality! She could back any of her over six foot tall boys up with a look and have a room enchanted and taken over with her laugh and charm!  She will be missed and loved always....

On the evening of May 17th Marie kissed us all goodnight and took the puppies with her to bed with a smile.  We found her in bed with puppies playing around her, but she had already gone the following morning.  She went peacefully in her sleep, the doctors said her heart wasn't strong and it finally gave out.  We had been trying to prepare ourselves for what this cancer was going to do by the end, so this was far better for everyone.  So we have been back to the mid west for another life celebration and goodbye for now send off.  Alex is coming to terms with losing his parents so quickly and is continuing his role of "ROCK" for his family.

Alex did ask me to quit my job and stay home, he felt like we only have a few years left with these kids and my presence at home was needed more now than ever.  Plus he wants less stress in our lives and having two sources of income really isn't a need as he can support us just fine on his income.

Sooooooooo.. I am now retired!!

My last day at work was super emotional and I still have mixed emotions about not working outside the home.  But being on my second week of my new stay home life, I am seeing some of those mixed emotions float right out the door.   I am now grocery shopping during the week, so it is less busy and Alex doesn't have to come with me.  (I tried to tell him that for months, but now it's more practical!! HA! Score one for me.)

My food hiding strategy (my teenage son has made this a real challenge) has taken on an entirely new level being here more and seeing his blind spots more easily.  So we have food the entire week and if he does catch on to my hiding space I have plenty of time to run out and restock my stash.  My daughter has also asked to try online school this next year and now that I am home we can give it a go.  So she has been enrolled and I can help her along in the fall as she needs me.  I cancelled my cleaning service and can now keep my house as clean as I want without driving anyone crazy... Or at least as crazy as before.  (Always going to be a type A personality, retired or not..)

I spent my first week of retirement painting and finishing up the clean up effort on the laundry room I killed hanging the chore white board up.  Sigh.  But it is all finished and I like the new color and am thinking of adding a border too.  HA!

Now that things are settling back down and I am finding a new normal, my blogging will start back up.  I also have written a few short stories and am very serious about putting some time aside to write a book.  Not sure what yet, but I have added writing a book to my bucket list!  I don't even know if I will pursue publishing it, but I would love to at least say that I wrote a book and share it with those that would be interested in reading what ever it was.

So that has been the last month in a nut shell.. Lots of change, but Marie is now home with her Lord and reunited with her husband.  My life is a new adventure everyday and these puppies keep me on my toes too.  Can't wait to see what the rest of 2014 has in store for this family, as we have had a boat load of change so far and we are only half way in...  :0)

Puppies and White Boards

This is going to be one hum dinger of a rant and ramble post.. So if you are faint of heart or just have enough to grumble without adding my grumbles to your list... RUN FOR IT NOW!  Otherwise, pull up a chair and get comfy.. This might take a while.  Grrrrr...

Let me state the fact that I love my family beyond belief and I know in a few years I will look back and miss all this noise and confusion... I hope.  :0)

Everyone deals with change in their own way, some embrace it and others tolerate and finally adapt. Then there is me... I don't do change well.  Oh I might put on a show that all is well and that nothing ruffles my feathers and it may appear to the untrained eye that I have embraced it and moved on.  But  my poor husband, he sees through all that and knows that I just REALLY don't handle it very well at all.  Knowing this he gave me plenty of "Let's talk this through" moments and he even made it a priority to check in with me to see how I was handling things.  So I take on some of the responsibility for killing our laundry room two nights ago.  Sigh...   But the fact that we now own three puppies, well I call that just plain FUNNY!!  Have I ever mentioned that Alex doesn't like pets?  The kids got a gold fish from the school carnival when Kyle was 6 and after much begging and pleading we got to keep it, only it died two week later.. Alex all but celebrated and said no more pets.  But the door had been opened to the fact we had gotten a gold fish through Alex, so we worked that opening until Jack found us in the parking lot of the grocery store all dirty and sad almost a year ago now.  But I am getting way off track here, so back to the point...

So I am a neat freak..  Yes, I am.  Every place has its thing and every thing has its own place.  I clean for the cleaning lady, that is how I roll.  (I am getting better at not cleaning for the cleaning lady, but Alex has yet to conclude as much.  Poor guy, he will catch up sooner or later.)  I know with the amount of people living under our roof and two of them being teenagers increases the possibility for messes to occur.  I don't believe our home should be of model quality at all times, but I do expect those that live within the home to respect it enough to clean up said messes as they are made.  Oh and my favorite thing that I love to hear... "It's not my mess to clean up".  So if everyone in the house decides they didn't create the mess and so logically conclude they don't need to clean it.. Who gets left to clean then???  You got in one... ME!   If I don't see it in time my MIL will now jump in and try to clean it up to lighten my load.  (Bless her heart she is the sweetest woman and she always has a ready smile no matter the amount of mess she is dragged into.) But I am not good with that as she doesn't have the energy to be doing such things nor should she be put into that position.  She is a Mom and we go into clean and help mode without thought, it's just auto pilot...  So asking her to ignore the mess and wait for me to deal with it or pick a victim I feel closest to the mess is just going to bug her and me.. As the mess will still be there longer and she likes things neat too.  This has been a on going issue since we moved and in the last couple of week of having Marie move in with us.  Now we have Scott, Alex's youngest brother freshly graduated from college and moving here to be closer and find work.  He will only be with us a matter of weeks, but another young male creates more mess.  (I won't even tell you about the grocery consumption rate in this house now either, since my mess rant is just front and center right now.)  :0)

I decide everyone just needed to be refreshed on zones and who is responsible for each zone and that will help the situation... Yeah, the troops just needed to remember! (We have always had zones that each person is assigned to keep clean, they sort of went to the way side during the move and never got implemented in the new house.) So off to the store I went and found the perfect white board that hangs really well in the laundry room right next to the water dispenser that is frequented often.  I bought the brightest markers I could find for said white board so that it would be very hard to miss the importance of the writing on this white board for anyone passing by to get some water.   I then came home and looked for one of the three capable males in the house to help me hang my new lovely white board only to come up empty handed.  So after a momentary pause,  I decided I am a capable woman and could manage to hang this board myself.. Can't be hard right?  Just find a nail or two since it's a pretty good size board and bang, bang we are good!  (I still can't say that I understand completely what a stud is, but Alex sure did try to give me the tutorial while I was over his knee.  But I was sorta busy at the time trying to .. I don't know survive the spanking, to really take notes. But I thought I would throw out that they sound important when hanging large heavy objects on walls.)

A few messed up nails (they didn't want to pound straight into the wall, they kept bending.. Or maybe I don't hit straight, either way I am not a natural at hammering nails.) and one hole that wasn't noticeable once I got the board hung and I was ready to draw my zones and assign names.  Only the pressure of my pushing or maybe the weight I was putting on the side while drawing on the board up on a ladder (it's a big house so I needed a really big board and it needed to hang high on the wall) was a bit much for it and down it crashed and it sorta threw me off balance and ....boom I went down too. Now all the men and everyone else within hearing distance all came to inspect the big boom and my yelp as I went down.  Figures they are all home now... Ugh.  I am fine, the wall is now patched and a smaller board is now hung up very nicely with pretty zones and names.  Alex took me to urgent care to be looked over as I got a few nasty looking bruises, but I didn't hit my head or anything.  Just more embarrassed and shocked more than anything and really NOT looking forward to explaining the situation to Alex.  I will never forget the look on his face when he came to the doorway and saw me on the floor under the ladder and the mess around me.  The board cracked into two and messed up a few tiles and the grout and the ladder messed up the boarder on the wall.  Plus the board left a huge mess on the wall where I had tried to hang it so it looked like a war zone.  He says I scared a good ten years off his life and it took him a few hours to let me out of his sight again.

After I had been checked out and Alex was waiting for the nurse to get the prescription (which I told them was not necessary thank you very much, my pain was manageable and I hate pills...I didn't think that one through very well, as those pain meds would have been great following the spanking I got for my adventure. But I believe that is what they call hind sight.)   I told him it was freezing in there and I was going to wait for him out front.  So out I go and decided to sit myself down on one of the front steps and wait.  I was only sitting there for a few seconds when I heard the little whine coming from the bushes next to me and so I turned to see two sets of the cutest little eyes looking back up at me.  Seriously, they are the cutest darn little puppies and the vet is guessing them to only be eight week old and they were dehydrated and hungry.  How anyone could be so cruel as to ditch these sweet babies in any situation but let alone our heat (it was 97 degrees out that day) is beyond me.  There was just no question about it we had to help them, so by the time Alex came out I had one in my lap and was trying to talk the other one into coming out from under the bush.  I had tears in my eyes they were so dirty and the one in my arms was shaking... Alex stepped right in and got them both up in his arms and we went right to the vet to have them looked over.  They gave us a list of no kill shelters in the area and apologized they didn't have room or the staff to take them from us.   Alex said that was fine we would care for them until we thought they were well enough and then look for a place for them.

That is how we got Lucky and Bow.   Lucky is very sweet and has the prettiest chocolate eyes where as her brother...well Bow is so ugly he is cute.  Jack our resident monster puppy took one look at the new comers and decided he was adopting them straight away.  We sat them down in front of him and he did a sniffy type circle around them and then picked Bow up and took him to his dog bed and came back and did the same to Lucky.  He then went and got them a toy and watched to see what they would do.. Poor guy is going to have to wait for them to start feeling better and get older to play... But I have a feeling it won't be long and he will have a pack worthy of marathon play sessions.

Alex and I discussed my mini adventure in detail last night and now I am sitting on a very sore and sorry bottom.  Ugh.  But I feel like I was driven to it!  I had been mentioning my unhappiness of the mess situation to Alex and he was handling the situation, but in an effort to lighten my load he did it behind the scenes if you will with the kids directly.  I know everyone is trying to make things easy for me right now and we are all trying to look after Marie with out her knowing we are looking out for her.  She only promised to move in with us if we did so for her company and not for us to worry about her and feel it necessary to watch over her.  So we crossed our fingers and said of course you should come stay to keep us company and have another set of eyes on the teenagers, but we have all been watching and trying to help where we can.  But if everyone is tip toeing around each other and not talking about the horse in the room...Well hello, I am a action kind of gal.  I am going to drive some action to solve issues...  But that is not how things work around here and so that gets me into trouble.  I had taken the right action of talking to Alex and asking for his help, but then not seeing action taking place right away or even seeing him take any action off I went...  After all was said and done I had broken 3 rules and so I paid the price.  But I am not settled about it at all, in fact I am mad today.  It was an accident that scared me and him, totally get that.  I wasn't trying to bring the house down or anything and my intentions were good.. Organized and helpful and it just went really wrong.  If everyone had been up front with everyone else this wouldn't have happen, so I guess I feel like in the end only I paid the price for the many.  But Alex doesn't agree, he thinks I did the majority of this myself and everyone else was just trying to be helpful.. So I thought using his favorite catch phrase might help him get my point of view.  "Well, maybe everyone should try to be less helpful and more harmless."   Um... Yeah, that didn't go over very well and that landed me over his lap a second time.  I was truly sorry by the time he let me up the second time, but this morning I am having a hard time being sorry and not mad.

Normally I feel good about the rules and this way we handle things but right now I am not happy about it much and I think we have too many rules.  So there, I am done with my little (ok long winded) rant and maybe.. Just maybe feel a bit better now that I have it all out.  But grrrrr and double grrrrr.   Now I must end this and go let the floor guys in, they are replacing the tiles and grout in the laundry room..  Sigh.

Liebster Award

Dana from Learning to Follow His Lead was sweet enough to nominate me, thank you so VERY much!!


So..  Here are the rules:

Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog-- by including it in your post and / or displaying it using a "widget" or "gadget".

3. Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.

5. Nominate 5 to 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display the widget that lets readers know this information.

6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.

7. List these rules on your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to :

8. Inform people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they may not have heard of it!)

Here are the questions:
1.  How did you and your spouse/significant other meet? We only lived one street over from each other and I was best friends with his brother growing up.
2.  How is your favorite way to travel? Car
3.  Spanko or Spankno? Spanko if its the fun kind of spanking, but forget it when it's not.
4.  Do  you like to read?  I love to read!! And if so, what kinds of books? Romance, Science Fiction and of course anything about a good spanking (because it's not my bum on the line). 
5.  Do you enjoy camping?  Abosolutely, love the outdoors and camp fires at night. And if so, what is your idea of "roughing it"  (tent, camper, cabin, black and white TV?)  HA!  We have a toy hauler that has a master bedroom with it's own door and television and a dish for cable.  I consider this roughing it as we only have one bathroom to share amongst the four of us.  Alex has an egg timer to clock showers and watches water usage by person, so that makes getting clean nerve wracking too.  The one and only time he tried to camp with me in a tent... He put it up on top of a HUGE ant hill and we woke up covered in ants!!! I have never come close to tenting it again.. 
6.  If you could meet any one person who would it be and why? Hmmmm.. I know you are probably looking for a really deep and meaningful answer, but since I am waffling on changing my career.. I am going to say Nora Roberts, as she is my favorite author and I am noodling the idea of writing a book.  So I would love to sit down and pick her brains on writing and learn from her vast experience.  
7.  Dog or a cat person? Dog 
8.  What flavor ice cream do you hate? I actually don't eat ice cream, but can't stand the smell of the coffee flavors if that counts for anything..  :0) 
9.  Did you bring this lifestyle to your mate or was it the other way around? Nope, all Alex!
10.  Name one thing besides spanking that if people knew about you would be shocking? Wow, I am boring.. Nothing about me is shocking..  :0)
11.  How old were you when you got  your first kiss? Well..  if a peck on the cheek by a boy counts then I was 5.  If we are talking on the lips by a boy then 14.  But if we are talking on the lips by a man then I was 17 (actually took place on my birthday) and it wasn't a peck, but a full on kiss that took my breath away. 

Random Facts:
1. The smell of Vicks vapor rub makes me throw up.
2. I love all things memory foam.
3. Glass elevators freak me out, as I don't like high places.
4. I can't sleep with socks on.
5. I only wear Moonlight Path lotion from Bath & Body Works.. No other perfumes or lotions.
6. I can't carry a tune to save my soul.. I mean it is really sad how badly I sing.  
7. I am a chicken, so do not watch any horror movies or read scary novels.  
8. Very big sleep walker as a child, but have thankfully out grown that lovely activity.
9. I am allergic to fake nails, my skin bubbles around them and my fingers hurt.
10. I should own stock in Wrigleys, as I chew WAY too much gum.
11. My favorite go to drink is Lemonade Vitamin water.

My nominees: Shocking I know, but I am breaking this rule.  :0)  

I would like to invite anyone that wants to answer these questions to please take them and post them on your own blogs.  This is a great award and as a semi new blogger (8 months behind me now, whew) it made me feel special.  So I would like to share the special with old and new bloggers as we all play our parts in this community.  

Questions for my nominees:
1. What is your favorite season?
2. How many siblings do you have?
3. Remember board games?  What is or was your favorite before technology took the world over?
4. What is your favorite movie?
5. Ever see a movie that was better than the book?
6. Strangest place you have ever been spanked?
7. Most rememberable spanking you ever received?
8. If you could have a trial run at telling anyone about using DD/TTWD and they wouldn't remember the next day, who would it be?
9. If you could have your dream vacation where would it be and with whom?
10. What is your spouses go to present (Flowers, chocolates, poems)?
11. What is the best present you have ever gotten and why was is so special to you?

Whew, that was fun!  Thanks so much again to Dana for nominating me and to all the bloggers out there that make this such a wonderful community.  

Crying sucks!!

As I lay on the floor covered in muddy monster puppy, half dead and trampled flowers (not even sure if they were mine or the neighbors at this point) I tried to remember the feeling of laying on a beach with a fruity alcoholic beverage listening to the waves.  But that is hard to imagine, let alone keep in your head with a puppy licking your face and the water was now soaking through my clothes.   I was just about to start moving when I heard the garage door open and heavy footsteps heading in my direction.. Oh perfect, lets just add an angry male to the combination too!  Ugh. 

Flash back several hours to Wednesday morning....

Alex: "We should go, it's our anniversary and it's important for us to have time alone."

Me: "We have been on and off the road now for weeks, we need to stay and catch up.  Plus we can't just leave your Mom, she needs us around right now."

Alex: "Mom needs normal and us celebrating our anniversary an hour north away from teenagers is completely normal.  She would feel bad if she knew you didn't feel she could be left with the kids for the weekend alone."

Me: "Hey, that is so not what I said or meant!  I said we shouldn't leave her right now, not that I didn't think she could be left alone with our kids for the weekend. Thank you very much!  I am late and don't think we need to figure this out right this very second, it's only the middle of the week."

Alex: "I already made reservations and have arranged everything, you only have to pack at this point and get off work early if possible on Friday."

Me: "Fine."

Alex: "Fine as in you will pack and be home early Friday ready to have a great weekend with your husband?"

Me: "Fine as in I will pack and be here as early as I can manage on Friday."

With that I walked out of our bathroom, grabbed my bag and made a quick dash out the door.  I made it to the office before my cell started to ring and it was "his" ring tone.  Grrrrrr.  Nope, not answering!! I am not ready to speak with you yet mister tell me we are going out of town man.  With that I sacked his call and walked with purpose into the office and to my desk.  I was there maybe two minutes when my secretary called in that Alex was on line 2 and he sounded grumpy.  "Sorry Beth, can you tell him I am late for a meeting and will call him back later."  There was a pause on her side, the lady knows my schedule, she guards it with her life and I didn't have a meeting for another hour... But she chimed back she would let him know.  Two minutes later I had Beth and Carol (she sits across from Beth and right outside my door, so she hears all and knows all) in my office with coffee pushed into my hands and curious looks as to why I was avoiding Alex and growling.  (I didn't realize I had been growling and tossing papers about since my entry.)  Ugh.

So after a very unlady like humph I sat down, took a large swallow of coffee and spilled my guts.

Me:"The man doesn't even ask he just tells me we are going out of town for our anniversary. I mean hello shouldn't we both have a say on our anniversary? We have been world travelers this year and it's only April for crying out loud and after all the stress and sad we have dealt with we should settle a bit right? (not that I gave them a chance to answer me) But noooooo the man just ups and makes reservations and arrangements and all but tells me to be ready and home early on Friday.  I have taken so much time off already this year, I need to catch up both here and at home.  I mean we have been home for like five minutes and his Mom is with us and she is barely settled and he wants to run off and leave her with the kids.  What is that?  Shouldn't he be spending time with her and making sure she is working through losing her husband and watching her to make sure her health is being looked after?  Why must I be the voice of common sense here?  Grrrrrrrr.  (Yes, I was growling again.)

Beth:"So just to make sure I am hearing this right. You are mad because your gorgeous husband wants to take you away for the weekend alone to celebrate your wedding anniversary and he took care of all the arrangements on his own and is only asking you take a day off work and what.. pack?"

Me:"Gorgeous has nothing to do with it and well.. yeah, he asked me to pack." I started to squirm a bit in my chair now. "He didn't really ask for an entire day off just if I could get home early on Friday so we could head out at a decent time. But that is not the problem... What about his Mom and the kids and our home and work... It all needs looking after now.  He just needs to think it through some more and maybe you know ask his wife how she feels about everything!" (Yeah, there was my mad and it was coming back a bit now!)

Carol:"Or maybe he wants or needs to take you away and spend time with you to work through his feelings on everything that has happen and make sure you are doing well too?  Maybe he needs the two of you alone to process everything and regroup and your anniversary is just a really good reason to go out of town and spend time together and work through all the feelings and things that need looking after now."

Oh great!! Now I lost my mad again and started feeling VERY guilty...  Was Alex needing time alone to regroup and get his feelings processed?  He always says time together alone helps him to center himself again.  Oh man... Could I mess things up anymore?

Me:"Then why in the world didn't the man just come out and say he needs time alone?  Why didn't he just say "honey I need us to be away to process all these feelings and regroup?" I mean the man just ups and says we are going away this weekend, get packed and be home early on Friday.  Hello, it's call communication right? He isn't a cave man, he talks my ear off all the time I promise you he is fully capable of full on conversations. "

Beth:"But maybe he isn't quit himself at the moment, I mean he just lost his Dad and his Mom is sick right?"

Me:"I don't know.. I mean yes all that is true but he has been a rock through all of it.  He took care of his Mom and the family, he grieved with everyone and he shared fun stories at the celebration. I mean it all happen so fast we had to scramble to get back east and pull everything together.  But I took care of most of it so he could take care of his Mom and family.  I packed up their house and arranged movers and talked with the neighbors who are helping with the move.  I even got her medical records moved here and got her lined up with new doctors.  In a few months I will take her back and we will close down the house and clean up loose details, but nothing is really a fire drill right at the moment. Her room is setup just as it basically was back east and I made sure she had all her favorite foods. The headstone for his Father was the only thing left and I just got confirmation yesterday it is going to be put into place by end of week and is exactly as we requested."

At this point my boss walked in and we got down to business and I tried to concentrate on work.  By 1pm I was ready to talk and see where my man's head was in all this so I closed my door and made the call to his cell.  He didn't answer, so I called his work line and got his admin Brit.  She told me he was in a meeting and he had been trying to reach me all morning and he looked really tired today.  I told her yes, we were playing phone tag and hopefully the weekend away would put some spring back in his step.  She seemed to brighten at that comment and said she really hoped so and did I want to leave any message.  I told her just to let him know I called and we will talk tonight at home.

I never really was able to concentrate past the morning chatter with Beth and Carol, so by 3pm I was closing everything down and getting ready to leave. (Yes, makes perfect sense since I was so worked up about missing more work on Friday. I am a women fully capable of changing my mind on a whim, come on you all know how it is..)  Alex was going to come home to a home cooked meal and his favorite dessert to top it off.  Then we could volunteer the kids to clean up and spend some time off on our own and try our morning chat all over again.  But this time I want to look into his eyes and see if he is not showing all his cards right now.  If he "needs" time away that is totally different and I am 100% ready to take him and run.  But if it's just a following the motions because the calendar is saying we need to celebrate, we should talk through that together.

I stopped at the store, picked up the needed items and got on my way home.  Only I didn't make it all the way before getting a flat tire and ended up on the side of the road about a mile from home.  So I called Kyle and told him to come help me out and bring a cooler for the food to stay cold.  Well in true teenage fashion he did show up about 15 minutes later but without a cooler.  Sigh.  So I left him with my car and to changing the tire and I took the food with me in his truck (took me a few minutes it is a stick which I haven't driven in ages) back home.  After congratulating myself for getting home and hoping I didn't do any permanent damage to his gears, I got all the bags loaded onto my arms and headed for the front door.  I really should have remembered to grab the garage door opener from my car. Ugh.  I made it to the door and my MIL who had been pacing since I called opened it and started pulling bags from random parts of me in a hurry.  I got an ear full on the way into the house about carrying too much at once and I really tried not to think about how much she sounded just like Alex. I swear their two speeches on carrying groceries are pretty dead on the same, I shouldn't be surprised they are so much alike.   I plastered a smile on my face and of course agreed but was thinking I made it didn't I?

It was right after I put my groceries on the counter and turned to walk back to shut the front door that I ended up catching my monster puppy as he launched his self in greeting at me.. Only he had come from out side in through the door I was going over to shut and he was covered in mud and flower bits.   He still hasn't gotten the clue that I am still my size and he has tripled in size so now when he jumps up to greet me I can't take his full weight let alone a full speed gallop and jump greeting.  So we both ended up on the ground, with me breaking his fall and seeing stars to boot.  So there I lay in happy puppy muddy mess and thinking how tired I was.  Sigh....

Now you are all caught back up to the start of this post.

Alex grabbed Jack (yes he actually has a name other than monster or brat, but he comes to all three)  up and off me and took him out back, while I got up with the help of my MIL.   Alex came back and asked me as he started his physical pat down if I was hurt and after he was sure and I had confirmed I was fine. Picked me up like a sack of potatoes and headed off towards our bedroom and asked his Mom to see about the groceries we would be back down in a few minutes.  I looked up long enough to see her with a grin and a wave go back to the kitchen.  (Yes, she actually had a grin on her face!!!)  Grrrrrr   This is the only thing I have against Alex being so large... He can pick me up like it's nothing and he does it often.. frustrates me to no end we are in the 21st century and yet he often resorts to cave man ways of just picking me up and putting me right where he wants me.  But I digress...

Once we were in the bedroom and the door locked he walked over to the bed and flopped down with me in tow.  I was put on his right side and my head tucked under his chin and told to hush and listen to him very closely or our positions would rapidly change to one I wouldn't like very much.  I don't know if everything just decided to catch up with me all at once or my frustration of the day itself  started to make me cry.. Just some tears and sniffing at first but I couldn't stop it and when he started to comfort me I completely lost it and started into full on break down mode.  I swear I cried on him for almost an hour and I couldn't get it all to stop, I would get enough air back to say I was sorry and then I would lose it all again.  He held me, rocked me and told me to keep going and let it all go now and not to bottle any away for later.  Just let it all go and he would hold me through it all and he did.. He actually had to take his shirt off by the end of it as it was wet and icky from me crying on him for so long.  But it was the first time I let myself cry since we got the news about his mother or the phone call that his Father was gone. I never once let myself truly cry, I had tears that I shared with others but never let myself cry.  I hate to cry and I hate to share true grief with anyone, it is very hard for me and I only ever really break down in front of Alex never anyone else.  I don't even ever remember crying on my parent's shoulders growing up but going up to my closet or out to the pond with the ducks to do my crying.

When we had gotten the news of his Mother's health, I was the one to recover first and start passing out drinks and comforting kids.  I answered the phone the night his Father passed and was the one to wake him and tell him the news.  I packed everyone, got the arrangements started from here and continued on as we travelled east and then took over all the planning and organizing of it all.  All these things that needed taking care of I did to help Alex and his Mother.. They all needed to be done.  But in doing all this I didn't allow myself to feel or process, as I was only concerned about Alex and his Mom.  I wanted my kids to get through all this and make sure that Grandpa G got the best of what we could give him for his goodbye.  What I didn't know was that I had an entire family watching me and worrying about me and ultimately waiting for me to fall apart.  Alex was only one of many who wanted to see me away for the weekend and given a chance to slow down enough to find my way of grieving and beyond that regroup from our year so far.  I am sitting her blubbering as I type this now.. Ugh, it seems that is all I get done now is grabbing tissue and blowing my nose.

We are going away this evening for the weekend and Alex wants to talk about our current situation with work and family.  (I am working from home this morning and really not working too hard if you can't tell.) He says he thinks we need a change and that he wants me to be very open minded because most of the change he wants to discuss would impact me.  I am already super nervous about our conversation because he has been hinting at me either changing positions at work or not working outside the home anymore.  I am not so nervous about him wanting those things, but nervous I might be ready to say he is right.   But that would be the end of a very large part of my life and I have become really attached to the people I work with.  I just don't know if I have the energy to keep everything going anymore, not if we don't catch a break any time soon.  The last 7 months have been a real trial for us and I am just happy we have made it through, but something has got to give or we are going to hit a wall.  I know it and I think Alex sees it coming and wants to head it off, plus it would solve a great deal of our power struggles too.  I have a REALLY hard time switching modes when I leave work, as I run a group of 20 people here in the US and anther 30 or so Internationally.  So I am really good now at shooting out directives and driving solutions being built in very limited amounts of time.  But that gets me in the "I can take on the world, just watch" mode and he doesn't really like being given a directives from little old me.  :0)

So wish us luck... That we have some fun celebrating and that our talking about everything else doesn't take the entire weekend over.  I would love some time just shutting the world out and cuddling with my husband and thinking of the next 18 years as husband and wife and where they will take us...

While the cat is away...

Those mice... well they will most definitely play!!

So a few weeks ago we headed to Las Vegas and left our teens on their own with a list of do and don't do items.  I was asked how the kids did while we were away... Well on the most part they did a really good job, but they did end up having a party.  We specifically left instructions that they could each have one friend each over at the same time and no more.  No opposite sex shall step foot into their bedrooms and zero should pass our threshold into the master at all.

Saturday night Kaylee had a girlfriend over and one of her cousins (First teenage loop hole, we didn't specify cousins in the counting category in house list of rules.) Kyle had one of his friends over, who was expecting some other friends to drop by with his guitar they borrowed later.  Scott ended up coming down when he saw the truck full of teenagers show up with said guitar and they all started talking out front.  At this point the count was up 2 cousins and 7 kids who all had cell phones.  According to Kaylee it was completely out of their control when others just happen to show up and they moved to the backyard to not case chaos out front.  So now they had about 15 kids in our backyard, but not in the house. (Teenage loop hole number two, they were in the backyard and we said inside the house in our rules.)

By the end they had about 30 kids in our backyard (this was the official count from our neighbors anyway) and pizza was brought in twice.  Our kids did have the common sense to remove those that brought alcohol right off, so they didn't have that problem at least.  But the noise did get a phone call to police around midnight and that is when Kyle and Scott ended it all.  They kicked everyone out and even started taking people home themselves to ensure everyone got home safe.  (Teenage loop hole attempt number three, driving curfews couldn't be adhered to if they wanted to ensure everyone got home safe.)

During the evening a few kids decided they wanted to swim, which blows my mind as we didn't have the heater on and our pool is still VERY cold!  But swim they did and they managed to break our cleaning spouts that lift on the bottom of our pool, so a few now need to be replaced.   (We have a warranty on them but Alex and I have decided the kids can pay a few dollars anyway to ensure the lesson is learned. )

So the good news is that they were safe even while breaking (Kyle still thinks they bent more than broke) the rules and they were straight up front about it when we got home.  Which was really good for them since our neighbor waited all of thirty minutes upon our return to come over with a pie to welcome us back and give us the run down on the kids gathering the night before.   I don't think my kids appreciated the detailed run down we got, but I thought it was great.  Going forward I know they will understand they are being watched like a hawk if and when we give them another opportunity to stay home alone again.  Bless their hearts!

Also great news is that we haven't spent much time getting to know our neighbors but they seem like really nice people and we can't wait to get to know them better. We have invited the neighbors over to a "thank you" dinner in two weeks, since we have so much family stuff going on at the moment.  They sent us flowers following the passing of Alex's father, which again floored us as we just haven't gotten to know them well and they have reached out to us twice in very tough situations.  They are just a bit older than we are and they don't have children, but they seem like they are up to the challenge of living between us and Jay/Lori.  They said they really love the energy all the kids have brought to the block and they absolutely adore my little monster puppy even though he likes to chew her roses every chance he gets... Another sign these neighbors are great!

So we have had two teens grounded for the last few weeks and are just now getting all their privileges back.  Why does it often feel like we the parents get part of the punishment too when we ground them?  I mean listening to the moans and seeing the sad little faces begging for release early is just as much a punishment for us in my opinion.  But we both stood strong together and of course the loss of Grandpa G and the failing health of Grandma M have pulled us all close right now.  We had a very quiet Easter yesterday, not our usual huge family gathering but spent it alone just the four of us.  We spent the majority of last week traveling, saying good bye to Grandpa G and then getting back home to settle in for the week. It will take time, but we will all settle back down and celebrate what time we have left with grandma here on earth and remember we will all be together again one day.