Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Castle!

There we sat in the parking lot both peering up at the ... well it was a castle.

Me: "Well you know I thought the name was interesting but for some reason I just didn't think the store would ... well be an actual castle."

Alex:"It's the worst imitation of a castle I have ever seen, maybe the online shopping would have been the way to go."

Me: "What and miss out on going into the cheesiest castle you have ever seen and look at a bunch of kinky toys?  Where is your sense of adventure?  You took the day off, we drove all this way.  Let's just go in and at least look around."

Alex: "Fine, we are going in... Stay with me and keep close, in fact hold my hand and let me do the talking."

Me: "Sir, yes sir!"

I even did a very official solute and then immediately burst into a fit of laughing and crying at the same time.  His face when he told me to stay close and let him do all the talking, it was just too funny.  It was like we were going into battle or undercover or something really important and scary.  It took me a few minutes to calm back down and gave him just about enough time to change his mind about the shopping adventure that has literally taken us weeks to get around to doing.  So I had to pull myself together and get us out of the truck or I could see our adventure coming to a rapid end.  I barely made it out of the truck and he was out and around grabbing my hand and moving us in the direction of the doors.  We had just made it across the lot and were within feet of the door when he spun us around and off to the side and whispered in my ear...

Alex: "I am all for us having an adventure, but you stay with me and seriously try to behave until we get the lay of the land in there.  Understood?"

Me: "Understood!"  (I even managed to not laugh...just barely.)

Then we headed in with Alex in the lead and me just behind him on his right with my hand in his ready for our first kinky shopping adventure!  As soon as we walked in the front area I was speechless... Maybe it was due to it being so close to Halloween they decided to put the really scary crazy stuff right up front????  I just don't see zombie, vampire or the blood and guts thing as a turn on at all... Nope!  It had us both backing up a bit and if the sales person (I have to say person as I honestly couldn't say if it was a boy or girl!!!  Seriously, neither of us can decide so we have started calling he/she "Pat" when we talk of our adventure.)  hadn't come over at this point we might have just turned and ran for it...

(Let's stick with calling our "helper" Pat to make this easier...) :0)

Pat: "I am going to guess this is your first visit with us?"

Alex: "Really good guess, I bet we made that tough on you."

Pat: "Nah, written all over your face big guy and you have some one hiding behind you?"

Me: "Wife, letting him get the lay of the land.  Oh my goodness did that hurt?"

At this point I had just noticed that Pat had the most piercings I have ever seen in my life.  The ones on her mouth looked super painful to me but the ones running across her left eyebrow were red and swollen!  She/he got a huge smile and said no they were healing very nicely and couldn't wait to get the other side done.  I just managed a smile and something like oh really, but inside my head I was screaming "WHY?".

Alex: "We aren't really looking for costumes, fake blood or knives or ... just anything that draws blood is not on our shopping list."

Pat: "Oh well if you have a list, just pass it on over and I can help you get what you need."

Me: "Well now what fun would that be?  Maybe you can show us around so we... or he can get the lay of the land and we can get past the blood section?"

Pat: "It's pretty basic, if you start on the left and that would be my suggestion for the two of you. (Oh honey if you only knew) The left is full of oils and creams and then it turns into games and toys the more you go to the right and center of the store.  I wouldn't think anything on the right side of the store would be what you want but there are paddles and more hard core items the further to the right you go. "

Me: "Paddles, blood and pain oh my... "

Alex: "Keep it up and we will start in the paddle section and see just how much pain we can find for you."

Me: "And he has the lay of the land folks..."

I am pretty sure Pat heard that but since Alex pulled me away so quickly (with a slight swat to my bottom to move us along) and a really cool looking set of handcuffs caught my eye....  It was just amazing.   We spent the better part of an hour looking through all the interesting things the store has to offer and we had a ton of things to google last night when we got home.   Well.... Of course after we tried out some of our new toys!  They even have back rooms to try some of the items out, but I couldn't talk Alex into trying to get into one of them.  Grrrrrrr.    Maybe next time.  :0)

Alex didn't seem to really care for much on the left side of the store but we had tons of fun in the middle and of course in the implement section.  We did buy a few games, but Alex was most alive in the toy and implement sections and didn't seem all that reserved about swatting me with things either.   I am pretty sure my bottom was a nice shade of pink by the time we left the store, but it was all in fun.

My thoughts after our first kinky shopping trip and toy trial:

1.  Leather paddles are WONDERFUL!
2.  Eatable panties are really bad fruit roll ups in disguise..
3.  Anything with rabbit ears is WONDERFUL too!!
4.  Silk feels better than rope or handcuffs and doesn't leave any marks
5. Oils that feel good on him... may not feel good on or in her!!! OUCH!

If you have never visited a Castle near you... I would suggest you go and take a look around, but maybe not around Halloween.  :0)

P.S. - Cat, they had butt plugs!!!  I will have nightmares for weeks and weeks to come now...  THEY WERE HUGE.   (Just got goose bumps even typing that out!)  Alex said next time, but I am saying NO WAY!


  1. ROFLMBO! Oh Lucky...this was hysterical...would love to have been a fly on the wall watching you two. OMG...butt plugs? Big ones? Oops...yea...ummm...steer him away from those suckers! If he is insistent on getting one, then try getting a small glass one. But hope he loses interest. As far as edible...try chocolate syrup, redi-whip in a can, and strawberry preserves...but put old towels that you don't mind getting stained underneath. *snicker*

    Hugs and Blessings...

    1. Hi Cat,

      I am sure we were very entertaining to watch.. :0) I am really hoping he gets over the want and need to stick things in my exit only area!! Ugh. Hmmm, chocolate syrup (you had me at chocolate but the syrup part sounds interesting) and oh my whip cream is always good.. You sound like a woman with experience!! HA! You go girl. :0)

      Alex is home (I knew he would come home early!) and I am hoping to try this out after he calms down. Will have to put lots of towels down, cause this sounds super fun! Thank you!! :0)

      Irish Lucky

  2. Lol this is too funny! Those stores make me SO nervous and shy! Every time we go, I end up going into the car when it's time to purchase the items!

    Sounds like you guys had a very memorable experience though! :)

    1. Hi Kenzie,

      I think most of my time at the register was counting piercings... Those two that were working had at least 20 plus between them. WOW! Once we spent so much time in the store, we both got more comfortable and I think the people in the store had as much fun watching and wondering about us and we did about them too. :0)

      Irish Lucky