The flask...

I told you all about my last adventure with Lori at the airport and due to her being on bed rest at the moment she wasn't able to go with me yesterday to pick up my parents.  I was poking fun at her on the phone en route to the airport that I would be lonely and bored without her to get me into any trouble with security.  She found the humor in it after all these months, but just barely as she is still sore about it.  Honestly I was just a bit bummed to have to make this trip alone, but was super excited to see my parents.  Well I guess the airport is the one place I don't have to worry about being alone or bored in, as I just bring the fun by showing up!  :0)  I had my very own little adventure that I thought to share...

My parents just flew in for the holidays and I went to the airport to pick them up, I was hoping to drag Kaylee along with me but she had a class to attend.  Sigh.  Even online school doesn't work 100% of the time with our schedule, but she is doing so much better now so not going to complain.  I am usually late in just about everything I do, not sure why as one point in my life I was the one that was constantly 10 minutes early.  I mean I don't even have a job to blame things on anymore either, so you would think I could get my act together and be on time or early.. Sigh. But by some strange doing yesterday I was thirty minutes early and had to sit myself down and entertain myself until they arrived.  Not thinking about the money free guarantee of people watching being my solution, I went into one of the shops and bought a magazine to look through while waiting.  Um... Has anyone else noticed just how expensive every thing is in those airport shops these days?  I mean they kinda have you at this point if you are traveling or picking up a traveler and you want or need something right then, you are going to pay the price right!  Ugh.   So after finding the one and only magazine with people in it that didn't have Kim K. plastered on it... (I am so over her and all the naked things she shares with the public! )  I NEVER indulge in these magazines and so I was like why not, I am wasting time and now brain cells to boot... Fun stuff.

Now I have my magazine and well hey now that Star Bucks cart (Alex outlawed Star Bucks years ago when I sort of went on a coffee bender and the center of it was Star Bucks.  But this was just one and out of the norm and darn it all I was early so a reward was really necessary right!?!) is right next to the seats I was aiming for so that is just fate...  Now I have my whipped cream and some carmel coffee in the bottom some place cup of joy and my gossip magazine clutched in the other hand and found the perfect seat away from anyone else... Germs you know.  :0)   I sit myself down and get my first sip of pure joy and that is when I noticed a group of women jabbering a million miles per hour and all but running over anyone that got in their path.  They all had to be in there late sixties or early seventies and they were all decked out and each pulled a roller bag behind (around, to the side, over unsuspecting people that got too close.. they were all over the place.) and they took over the hall until they decide to park themselves right across from me.   So now I am counting silver heads and come up with eight women in all and they took the entire row in front of me and two seats on my side.

I had every intention of reading my gossip magazine and let them carry on, but I swear they were having none of that.   Even with my purse on my lap and me quickly opening my magazine to look like I was not listening or acknowledging their presence saved me...  The ring leader Betty was on me in a heart beat....

Betty: "Well now how is it a young (oh bless her heart) lady like yourself is sitting all alone in the airport at this time of day?"

Innocent question but I was shocked that she was asking me while she was surrounded by a crew of her friends and I was just trying to blend.

Me: " I came to pick up my parents, they flew in for the holidays and I actually found myself early and without anything to do for thirty minutes.  So I got myself a magazine and coffee to pass the time and a seat away from the crowd. "  (Ooops, maybe the last part was not very nice but it was the truth.)

Betty: "Oh well never fear we are here so you will have plenty to occupy your time until your parents arrive.  Isn't that right ladies?"

At this point I was thinking oh my goodness I am out numbered but hey they looked fun so just go with it and see.   If I only knew at that point what I was getting wrapped up in...

There was a chorus of "sure" and "of course Betty" that followed her question and one of the ladies on my side of the bench slid down and asked if I would like a little extra "something special" to add to my coffee.  She had a flask (I kid you not!!!) in her hand and a huge smile on her face.

Me:"Oh well...that is very kind but I think maybe I should just keep my coffee simple today." (Yes because I often put special stuff in my coffee on a daily basis...I am so square some times.)

She patted my hand and said that was fine and if I changed my mind she wouldn't be too far to ask.

Me:"So where are you all heading today?"

Betty:"Well now we are all off for some sun and the beach down in Mexico, we go every year just around this time.  We take over a part of the beach for a week and show the young folks how to have some fun."

Now while she was stating the last part I got a bunch of giggles and cackles from the other ladies shaking their heads to agree. One of them pulled out a brochure of the hotel they were going to stay at and showed me a picture of the beach they take over every year.  A sweet little lady at the end with a really strange hat said they had their eye on another hotel just down the way and if they liked what they saw this time around they might move down to the other hotel next year.

Me:"So what do you all do with your men while you go off to Mexico every year together?"

The faces and noises made at my question should have told me I was just asking the WRONG question to this group.  But the leader of the gang was the only one to verbally respond with words.

Betty: "Well now why in the world would we want to bother with men for?  We have spent several decades without one of them messing up our group, we are just fine to stay without."

I got a few "amens" and "you tell it sister" (oh I am totally serious!) from the group following her comment.

Strange hat lady: "Do you have one of those running around making your life harder for you dear?"

Me:"Well yes in fact I do have a rather large one running around making my life more interesting. But I love him so the interesting just comes along with the total package is my thought."

That made them all think for a second and then laugh but the Betty lady wasn't having it.

Betty: "How long you been with this fellow?"  She slid so she was now sitting straight in her seat and getting to business.  I swear all the other ladies did the same after seeing her get into "serious talk position".

So now a bit nervous....

Me:"Well we actually grew up about a block from each other and his brother was my best friend growing up.  We started actually liking each other in my late teens and we got married when I was 19, so we have been together for a pretty long time now."

Strange hat lady: "Hmmm.. got her young is what he did... And you say you love him? Humph, does he have a job?"  (Oh she clearly humphed, I heard it loud and clear!)

Me:"Yes he owns his own company and does very well for us."

Betty:"Is he bossy? Does he love to tell ya how things are and how you should be doing them?  My Stan did that and about drove me to my grave until he beat me there.  I tell ya that man took several years off this life of mine before I get loose from him.  Rest is poor, sad self and soul."

Three women made the cross sign following this sentence from their leader and they all were shaking their heads sadly.  All I could think is how sad this all seemed, that all of these women were so down on men.  Poor Stan!

Flask lady: "Do you have kids honey?"

Me:"Yes, we have two.. My son is a senior in high school and my daughter is a freshman in high school".

One of the women on the end with a blue sweat suit that had bling up and down the legs decided since I raised two kids with him he might be a keeper.  But the rest of the group hushed her and rolled there eyes and turned back to Betty waiting for her next move.

Now I am not usually slow on the uptake about things, honestly I pride myself on being observant so how I missed some really good clues into what these women were all about is beyond me.  Maybe it was the sugar high that I was riding because that carmel whipped deal I was drinking was kicking in and I was shaking a bit so put the cup down to breath a bit.  (See I was out of practice and my body didn't know how to deal with the sugary fun of Star Bucks anymore! It's a sad thing for sure!) My parents finally arrived and came down the gateway so I started to pull myself together and they managed to reach me before this clutch of ladies was done with me it would seem.  As I stood so did they and before I could move they were all moving forward towards my parents with the ring leader reaching them first.

Betty:"So you must be the parents this one has been waiting for!  Well don't you fret we kept her good company while you were getting here."

My parents took in my face and the situation and bless their hearts went with it but my Dad was pretty smooth in getting us moved along to get their luggage.  It was when we were down at the luggage return waiting for the turning wheel to start it's job and bringing the luggage out that my Dad asked how I got into a circle of old women of "that nature".  My eyebrows shot up and I said of "that nature"?  Daddy they are just a group of older women that have lost men over the years and take trips to Mexico together every year.  My parents just looked at each other and back at me with blank faces and I continued that maybe the one with the flask was a bit scary but that they were nice women to keep me company while I was waiting.

Dad:"Honey did you notice the two that were holding hands by chance?  You do know what wearing those rainbow colors means to some people right?"

Me:"Oh Daddy, they are sweet old women who have been married and lost their men... Betty said her husband passed, so see she was married and not what you are thinking.  I know what the rainbow these days means and they are not a group of lesbians going to take over a beach in Mexico!"

Mom:"Is Betty the one with the flask?  Oh honey tell me you didn't drink anything they had in a flask!"

Me:"No Mom, I promise that nothing offered to me in a flask will pass my lips even while being offered up by a sweet little old lady."

Alex decided to call me just then so I answered and let him know that my parents made it just fine and we were at baggage claim waiting for their luggage to appear.  My Mom said to tell him I was not lonely and to tell him about the lady with the flask.  (Why do parents pretend to whisper things but in an even higher tone then they use to speak normally?)  So of course Alex heard every word she said and of course wanted to know all about the lady with the flask.  I told him it wasn't anything and I would fill him in at home when I saw him and that the magic luggage return wheel was now in motion so we needed to go.  Whew, that was the LAST conversation I wanted to have at that moment so was happy to skip over it.

Skip ahead to the dinner table last night....

As it was my parents first night with us the kids both made sure they were home for a nice sit down dinner, so we were all together.  We were just finishing up our meals and my Dad wanted to know what Alex thought of the nice women keeping his wife company at the airport earlier today.  I could have picked up my ice water and gladly dumped it down the front of him.  He soooooo knew what he was doing by bringing that subject up.  Grrrrrrrr..  My old man, I love him dearly.. Truly I do!  But he has always had the old fashion idea in his head that we women need a man to provide for us and protect us from EVERYTHING.  My Mom was not allowed to work outside of the home and to this day she waits to do her errands and shopping for him to be with her.  So it was just killing my Dad to see that I am still let to run what he considers wild, without Alex protecting me from myself and others in the world out to get me or any other women not protected by a man.  Sigh and double sigh.  So now everyone at the table wants to know about the women who kept me company at the airport.

Well fine then, I can get through this... Two can play at this little game old man, you are on!  :0)

Me:"I was at the airport early..."

Kaylee: "What did you just say.... early?  Like you were at a place before the time you needed to be there early?"  (Yes the smiling teenager was taking her moment to poke at me in revenge for all the times I am late taking her or picking her up.. FINE!  Grrrrr .. Just you wait my little pretty, I will get you and that monster puppy of yours too!  Jack was suppose to be her puppy, but he latched on to me and never looked back.  Which to be honest I am just VERY happy about, he is great to cuddle with and keeps my feet warm when I let him sneak up on the bed. HA!)

Alex:"Now Kaylee, as much as I like to hear your Mother was early we don't want to make it sound bad or she won't try to make it happen again."  (Ok, is it open season on me and I didn't get the notice?)

Me:"Why thank you my charming prince for so kindly coming to my rescue.  Kaylee button it!  Now where was I...  Oh yes, I was early! (I pause and make meaningful faces to those that might have taken a second shot at me to let them know it would not go well for them.)  So I decided to get a magazine and sit down to read to pass the time.   Once I got a magazine and found a nice quiet spot without anyone around I found a seat and attempted to read the magazine only to be taken hostage by a group of older women who were waiting for their flight I guess.   (Now that I am relaying the story back it occurred to me that if they were traveling why were they on my side of the gates and not on the side the actual flights leave from... Hmmmm.) They were a curious bunch of silver haired women that were traveling to Mexico to lay on the beach for the week."

Kyle:"Do old women actually layout on beaches?"

Kaylee:"Not like you are thinking, they probably bring hats that size of the state of Texas and put layers of sun block on and cover themselves from head to toe anyway but sit in chairs and read books all day."

My thoughts were ... Not this group of women!

Mom:"I am older and I still like to lay out and get some sun thank you very much and I don't even own a hat either!"

Dad:"Do you think your group of women are wearing hats and reading on the beach honey?"

He had just enough glean in his eye and smile on his face that my ice water was just screaming to be used in anyway I felt necessary...  Grrrrr...

Me:"No Daddy I don't feel like this particular group is hiding under hats and reading books on the beach.  They did have more spunk to them than that and they had experience from years of doing this outing obviously. But that doesn't mean I think they are in Mexico storming the beach and scaring little children either."

So I started to relay the conversation with Betty and told them about poor, sad and bless his soul Stan.  

Kyle:"Mom, these women sound a bit scary to me.  How long were you hanging out with them?"

Mom:"Oh honey she hasn't even gotten to the one with the flask either."

She was just so quick to get that sentence out there that I secretly wondered if she was on my father's side in all this! Who you trying to fool mommy dearest that innocent and helpful look is so NOT working...  :0(

Alex:"Excuse me, did you just say flask?"  (Now he is looking directly at me, even though his question was clearly to my smiling mother on the other end of the table.. Yeah, that distance would be just great right about now!)

Me:"Well now you heard a bit about the flask on the phone earlier and I will tell you as I did earlier that it wasn't a big deal.  This nice little old woman had a flask that she was willing to share something special from with me and my coffee."

Kaylee:"Ohhhhhh.. You had Star Bucks without me?  I saw the receipt but just knew you would never do that to me.. But you did!  Did you see what was in her flask?"

Alex was really interested in this conversation now and at the mention of Star Bucks his right hand started to rub his leg, which we all know means his hand is just tickling to spank me for some reason or another.. Just not a great start for me!

Me:"It was one cup of coffee after years of not having a drop of Star Bucks and I was early which deserved a reward of some sort.  (This was all said looking directly at my husband and his itchy hand.)  No young lady I did NOT see or taste any of what was special in that flask and NEVER would from a stranger no matter what they look like.  Your face and enthusiasm for wanting to know does scare me a bit though..." (This was said to the all but bouncing teenager who all but rolled her eyes out of her head at my response.)

Alex:"Stop rolling your eyes at your mother and don't ever even say the word flask with me in ear shot kiddo if you ever want to see the out doors again.  Why exactly where you hanging out with this group of women again?"

Me:"Hey I wasn't hanging with them, they decided to hang with me!  I was there first, minding my own business thank you very much just trying to get a sugar and gossip high while waiting for my parents to show up.  I am the victim here people, they came to me... They spoke to me!  They came at me with the scary little flask and now my Daddy is going to try and tell you they were all lesbians too and they couldn't be as they were married!

(I was starting to lose it a bit, this was just getting out of hand and I just knew Alex was going to want to "discuss" a few things and my parent have just gotten her for a stay of several months.  So I didn't want our first night to end early with us going upstairs and being a big deal.)

I think my Mom noticed that I was not liking the conversation so she decided to try and help me out.

Mom:"Oh now sweetie it's alright, you know these men just worry and the rainbow means many things so we just won't worry about this anymore."

Kyle:"Um... Grandma, what do you mean rainbows can mean many things?"

Me:"They are grandparents Kyle, but are tuned into the current culture, they know what the rainbows can stand for and in this case these women were just colorful."

Kaylee:"Yeah older women do tend to wear more colors!  They even wear bold colors that most of us wouldn't dream of trying to carry off too..  I can't wait until I am older, I plan on wearing the most outrageous outfits I can find.  No one will say anything, they just pass it off as being old enough to do what you want."

Kyle:"Dude, you were hanging out with flask carrying lesbians going to Mexico to lay on the beach for a week!  Wow mom, you really  know how to get out there and mingle."

He was laughing and thinking he was just too funny... All I could think is you are not out of this house yet son and I bet given long enough I can find a way to seek revenge.

Kaylee:"Well that explains the brochure stuck in the magazine with the LGBT events all circled on the back."

That got the entire table's attention and all of us said "WHAT?" at the same time...

Kaylee is the typical teenager that will pick things up and disappear with them moments after you sat them down.  She had seen the gossip magazine and ran for her room and found the Mexico brochure that I must have gotten stuck with, I honestly have no recollection of sticking it in my magazine. (which I still hadn't read one word of by the way...)  When the lady had shown me the beach pictures and the hotel those items were all in the front and middle of the brochure but sure enough the back of the brochure was all about the week long LGBT conference they were hosting and all the events for the week were lined out.  Kaylee ran up to her room and grabbed the brochure and brought it back down so we could all see what she was explaining.

So there you have it.. I had hung out with a bunch of older lesbians that didn't need nor want men messing with them and their group and just wanted to hang out in Mexico and take over a beach.  My father was gloating very openly at the end of the table mumbling something about know what rainbows meant.  I was thinking he and Stan would more than likely have gotten along.  Alex was staring at me in what I like to think as amazement, because I don't go looking for interesting it just seems to find me and makes his life therefor just as interesting.  My kids were doing the high five thing over the table and saying they just didn't know I had it in me.  (What?)  So the only one left to look at was my mom.. She looked confused but looked at me and said: "I now really would LOVE to know... What exactly was special and in that flask?"

If you are wondering if Alex and his itchy hand got over the Star Bucks thing... Yes and my bottom didn't take the fall out either, well not in the way you are thinking any way.... I was up all night with major stomach issues so I am pretty sure that lovely sugary drink will be my LAST!  Ugh.

My mother is now down the street catching up with Lori's mom and seeing how she can be of help.  My father has drug Kaylee out in the backyard with a measuring tape as he has declared we need a green house.  Kyle zoomed out of here after killing three stacks of my mom's famous chocolate chip pancakes, so he was a happy guy.   I am about to call Alex and inform him that we will have a green house by the time my parents leave and hopefully he hid all his tools he didn't want my dad to break. The next couple of months are going to be GREAT!!  :0)