Monday, November 30, 2015

Flying food and a side of Crazy = Our Thanksgiving!

Before we went down to Jay and Lori's we all gathered in the living room and Alex gave us the "Let's all be good and get along" speech that I just know he has been practicing all week long.  Then he very patiently fielded all the "what if" questions that my teenage daughter no doubt had practiced all week long.  So bless his little heart when he said ok we are now ready to go on down the road and have some family fun and our door bursts open.... Jay and Lori's reformed informant had a weak moment and came down to let us know that a really cool fight was going on down at her house and we should hurry we are missing it.  Oh boy... Let's go!  I was up and going and maybe made it to the kitchen before I was up and over a shoulder and told to chill and wait for the call to come down.  Grrrrr.  Spoil sport.  Alex went down and 30 minutes later we got the call that we could come down and he didn't want any bad behavior from his side of the family or else!
I had planned on being a perfect angel, really I had planned this all week!

Seriously, I had imaginary conversation all week long in my head just preparing for different scenarios of what could be said or done to get at me by my lovely sister in laws.  Have you ever done that?  Just sit and imagine what buttons some one may attempt to push before you get with them so you are mentally ready to not let them get close to pushing any of them.  I do have to admit that some of my conversations maybe got a bit vengeful in my mind so I had to work on keeping them nice.  But my halo wasn't too tarnished by turkey day, so I felt ready to take on the world.  (Oh the best laid plans...) Sigh. 

You see I have forgiven my sister in law for putting my blog out there, not that she has sincerely apologized to me for it at all.  I got a phone call with her on the other end reading from a prepared statement that she made an error in judgement and she was sorry for the impacts to me and my family because of them. (Seriously, I could hear her husband in the background coaching her!)  I didn't forgive her because of that, honestly it is easier to let go and feel sorry for the other person and not hold the grudge.  It has taken me a VERY long time to realize that forgiving does not mean forgetting, it just takes the burden of you harboring ill feelings towards some one else and using up a bunch of your energy feeding those hurtful thoughts.  But coming face to face with her and our newest and youngest sister in law who has decided to support her, has been horrible the last few weeks.   They are just young and petty little girls that haven't grown into the women they should be at this point in life.  (Did that sound harsh?  :0)  Yes, my halo is not shining a perfect bright yellow.  I know this... Sigh.)

So I walk into the house and dart straight for the kitchen and Lori to find out what has gone down.  The first thing I see upon entering the house is that Aunt Peggy is sitting on the sofa right in the middle of the room looking as happy as I have ever saw her.  Seriously the woman was beaming! So I knew that I had missed something and got a wink and a motion towards the kitchen from her on my way through.  Into the kitchen I go and Lori is chopping potatoes and counting backwards (this is never a good sign, her kids run for the hills when she starts to count) literally throwing potatoes at a bowl on the other side of the counter from where she was.  Each toss was sending the bowl sliding further and further away and closer to the edge of the counter.  My mother and Lori's mother were in the corner sipping wine and whispering when they saw me enter they gave me the cut throat sign.  I was guessing that meant not to ask what had happen, but dang I wanted to know what happen!!  
The face you get when you know you need to be an adult but being a toddler would be so much more fun!

So I went about organizing the counter top and putting a box of stuffing and some celery on the other side of the poor bowl getting pelted with potato chunks.  Then I went into super efficient mode and took over the kitchen to let the older women have there secrets and give Lori and her poor murdered potatoes some space well keep working it out.  (We had lots of mashed potatoes for our dinner and probably for a good week more!)  So when the busy bodies that had started the ruckus had been returned to the kitchen after what I can only guess at this point was a pep talk from their husbands, we were all lined out.  Kaylee and Kris (my future daughter in law) came in right behind them wanting to know how they could help.  So I put them on stuffing duty and green bean duty right next door to our potato queen and a good distance from our spawns of evil.  (Ooops, yes there I go again.. Just wait for it, you will agree in time I have faith in your judgement!)

Now we have two mothers with wine, two youngsters chopping and watching all directions, one crazy lady chopping bags of potatoes in record time and two smug busy bodies that were brave enough to sit themselves down at the table next to my mother.  You know that really awful and awkward silence that happens when everyone knows there is drama in the air but no one is saying there is drama in the air?  Well it was just thick with that awful feeling of this may just stink here pretty soon.  I was deciding what I could work on next when it all went down and I mean it went FAST!  Steph (one of the evil spawns) decided that perhaps she should have made a dessert after all since we seemed to be short on them.  She said this pretty loud and with a slight sneer in my direction and back to her evil in training next to her. (I was assigned the dessert this year and had made 5 dutch apple pies, 4 pumpkin pies and a full sheet cake to celebrate a birthday that was on Friday.  Plus the girls had helped make Oreo cheesecake bites and various types of cookies on top of all that!!!  Seriously, that wasn't enough for this group?  Well she got that out and Kaylee flung a chunk of celery her direction and said "excuse me what did you just say over there?"  (Yes, that is my girl!!)  Steph barely got out on a snarl about bad manners and did your mother not find it important to give her any... Well that is when Kris started zinging another chunk of food in her direction and telling her she would give her a lesson in manners herself if she said one more thing about Kaylee or to me!  (Ok girlie, welcome to the family you have passed the initiation in spades.  Plus she has great aim!) it just got worse from there because at this point I don't even think Lori knew who started what she saw food flying and well potatoes started their own flight patterns too.   Now what kind of sister in law and best friend would I be not to back Lori's flying potatoes?  I grabbed the biggest bunch of green beans and let fly in the general direction of evil and the squeal from that direction only encouraged me to follow up with another handful of stuffing mix.  

So imagine mothers spitting wine in utter confusion and amazement, food flying all over the kitchen, me with a pan shield and spatula to hit back the chunks coming my way and just lots of chaos.  That is the situation that Alex and Jay with Aunt Peggy right behind them came into.  My dad, Kyle and Scott came in from the back door and my poor father caught a potato right between the eyes.  It was very unfortunate that my mother of all people was on the other end of that particular toss too.  Ooops.  But she had taken a celery to the wine and the splash was all over her nice sweater so she was in a mood all of her own at this point.  Aunt Peggy put her fingers to her lips and let out an ear piercing whistle that brought everyone back to there senses and got everyone not already in the kitchen on there way to the kitchen.  Ugh.  Alex had the good grace to take his cell phone out and get a picture of my shield and spatula combination before he wanted to know who did what and why... Men!

We needed this food fight months ago, I swear it has given us more closure to what has been going on this year than any amount of talking has.  Kaylee and Kris had been planning to run interference and had been planning it all week, since they knew I was planning on being good at all costs.  I love that we bonded in the best way possible, being part of the crazy dysfunctional family that we are and that I love.  Bless Kris, she can't wait to be part of this crazy group of people and I think she is going to fit in just perfectly!  Plus I think she is going to keep Kyle on his toes, which he completely deserves.  :0)

Our two spawns were taken home and we had a very lovely meal and some very lively games of charades that all of us will remember for years.  Kyle put that promise ring on Kris's finger and I cried happy tears and welcomed her and her nice right arm to the family!  Aunt Peggy taught Kaylee how to whistle much to our dismay and little Bo stole the rolls and ate his fill before we found out.  No sooner did I get home when I got a call and another prepared speech on being sorry, that I accepted and then let go over a third piece of pie.  (We had left over desserts hello, just saying!) Alex gave me major points for not starting the food fight and for the welcome change in my feelings towards Kyle and Kris taking that next step in life together.  After getting to know her better these last few days I feel like she has belonged all along, we all just get along too well and she... well she fits! So all in all I think we had a pretty amazing Thanksgiving and I can't wait to see what Christmas brings!!

As for the men and the fryer.... They took down one turkey, a small chicken, several twinkies and a few other items they snuck out of the pantry while the mothers were running down to my wine cellar to restock.  Aunt Peggy made the men do the clean up of both inside and outside cooking areas and the women put our feet up and put a major dent in my wine supply.  Not too bad compared to some past fryer experiences!

And I thought my family was crazy!!!


  1. ROFLMFBO, Lucky! Scared the bejesus out of my cats I was laughing and snorting so hard. Had to stop reading and getting the tears to slow down so I could see...still have tears rolling down my face. Oh I wish there had been a video of that! Did anyone yell 'food fight'? LOL Did you ever find out what the informant was referring to? Thanks for sharing...this was so totally awesome! Really think I need to move to your neighborhood and become a member of your much fun! :D

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. Hi Cat,

      Poor kitties... :0) Glad you got a kick out of my oh so lovely family! The younger boys were very put out that the adults had a food fight without inviting them. My Mom has declared this one of our best Thanksgivings ever and Aunt Peggy bless her heart wants to move out here now. She was trying to get our two evil spawns bounced (that was the word she used!!!) from Thanksgiving before we got there so we would have a great time without the drama. But she was happy it didn't work out the food fight was much more entertaining. Goodness! Aunt Peggy wants to live with us, so we are now in negotiations on how this would all work.

  2. Oh and I have to agree "spawns of evil" is a perfect name for that pair. had plenty of desserts so in my opinion, the spawns were deliberately looking to pick a fight and deserved whatever they received. Of course, they really each deserve a barn burner. ;)

    1. I guess Peggy had them in rare form by the time we got there, but the men wanted this holiday to remove all the drama so they aren't very happy. I told Alex the men should clue in the women into their grand ideas so we can let them down gentle like or they might end up cleaning food fight messes for years to come. :0) Sadly, I don't think either of them got what they deserved. Sigh. But hey, those men are having to live with the monsters they are creating so eventually something will have to give. Just saying. :0)

  3. Lucky, I'm having so much trouble with comments at the moment, they keep disappearing into the ether and I have to type them again. This is my third go on this post, so I'm giving up, just want to let you know I'm still around, trying not to lurk. Hope it's third time lucky!


    1. Hi Rosie,

      Blogger was giving me trouble on Monday, not sure what is going on... Super happy you got one of your comments to stick around! :0) Let's hope they figure out blogger soon.