I am struggling...

So last night I was commenting on a new friend's blog about types of spankings, you know the discipline .. You are in trouble spankings, which are NEVER fun... The I need help or am going to become just a really scary monster spankings, which or not fun but necessary.  Then we have the weekly let's check in with each other and reconnect spankings, which could be no fun or fun depending on how it all works out.  Maybe it is that not knowing how those are going to go that messes with me. But I commented that we are "Reconnect Challenged" on her blog and Alex was next to me and was reading over my shoulder.  He didn't say anything right away but about an hour later we were settling down in bed and he asked me why I felt we are reconnect challenged.  I of course giggled and said you don't?  To which he moved to turn the light back on and sat up and said he thought we did our reconnects perfectly.

So once my jaw was back up off the bed and I had the power of speech back..

"Alex all but one have been failures, the rest except for the one you ended up getting a complex about your toes have ended in punishment spankings."

"I don't have a toe complex, my toes are perfectly normal and have just the right amount of hair."

"Oh my gosh.. You googled pictures of men's toes didn't you? HA! Admit it, I know you did!!"

"I might have done a bit of research, but not because I had a complex but to prove to you that my toes are just fine."

Flash back about three weeks.....

We were at our old house getting the last bit of things boxed up in the basement (We couldn't stretch this move out anymore if we tried, it is seriously been going on for a month now!!) and our kids were over at the new house.  We always reconnect on Sunday evenings so we were together with no kids and it was Sunday evening so Alex called an end to the packing and pulled up a chair.  We had already been talking about the week and I already knew he was going to spank me, I was just a bit quick in my responses to him that week.  (Oh fine... Not quick... Grrrrr.. I was snarky and sliding close to disrespectful..)  But I balked a bit at him sitting in the chair... He is usually sitting on a bed or sofa when we are "discussing" things and this chair thing was not looking very comfy for me.  I mean the closest thing to him being in a chair was the time he dragged me into a family bathroom at the mall and he sat on the toilet... (He put the lid down and covered it with paper towels for all those that just got light headed from the amount of ewwwww that could be.)  But I was really mad and he was really not happy so I don't remember looking around or caring about how comfortable it wasn't going to be.  See, totally different mind set between punishment and reconnects!!!  

After his second patting of his lap and the "get your butt over here" look, I went close enough to be pulled the rest of the way over.  The problem with yoga paints being my all time favorite thing to wear, they are just too easy for him to maneuver down!  So down they go and I am inspecting our new carpet VERY CLOSELY mind you and trying to get situated.  Now at this angle I am either going to get to know the carpet pattern REALLY well or his feet, since they are right there.  We put new carpeting in a few months ago, so we had a no shoe policy.  My hubby loves his flip flops so he didn't have socks on and I usually only see his feet when we snuggle in bed and I am looking down at them.  Now I am up close and personal with a side view and I am thinking... Wow, this man has REALLY hairy toes.  I have one of those personalities where I sort of blurt things out without filtering them all the time.. Ugh. So in actuality I blurted it out instead of thinking it... Sigh. Alex had just gotten me where he wanted me and was now resting a hand on my bare bottom when this announcement was made.  

"What? My toes are not hairy!"

"Oh I beg to differ, I have a really good side view at the moment and I am telling you them are some hairy toes you got there." 

So I see his foot go up and he is moving his foot from side to side and I start to laugh.. 

"Oh wow, it just gets worse as you move it around from this angle, you need to shave them QUICK!"

"You are losing your mind, they are not that hairy..." 

SMACK, SMACK, SMACK...

"Owe.. giggle..snort"

"Take it back...Take back the hairy toes comment."

I am trying to breath but it is super hard at this point and he starts tickling me, so any coherent response at this point was just not going to come out.  He ended up picking me up like a bag of potatoes and we had really good bunny sex on the pool table. 

Now back to our discussion last night.....

"Well bring on the research and let's see!"

"No, we are not talking toes right now we are talking about why you feel we are reconnect challenged."

"I just told you we only had one attempt work."

"I see it as each one was what we needed as a reconnect at that time, so I see each one so far as being successful. So this concerns me that you are seeing them differently and I want us to take a few minutes to talk about why you feel they are not working."

"Well I guess it is the thought of not knowing how each reconnect is going to go.. I mean punishment spankings are just that...The I need help spankings pretty much mimic the punishment only I feel different because I know you aren't upset with me, so it is more physical I guess then mental.. The mental release comes after..."

<insert dramatic sigh and humph back into the pillows>

"I know you like planning things, knowing how things will run.. So this is where I think our point of views are differing.  You want to know going into our reconnects if you will be punished, given a few reminder/reconnect swats or we skip the spanking and end up making love. Which honey, I can tell you now that isn't going to happen.  We need to let these reconnects play out in the situation we find ourselves in during that day and time.  You need to relax and trust me to read the situation right and let me decide.  You trust me during the other two types of spankings.  You have even trusted me in our new fun spankings... Can you trust me in these re-connection moments is the question."

I was speechless.. Was I really not trusting him? How in the world could I be so blind... Or was it the personality of needing to know the absolute of how things were going to go that had me questioning things and in return making him think I wasn't trusting him.  I started to cry.. The worst feeling in the world is thinking I have put that look on his face and make him feel like he lost my trust some how.  He is my rock, I trust him completely... I said WE are reconnect challenged.. When it was really ME!  What the heck is my problem????

He held me and we eventually fell asleep.. But I have been seriously off all day today and I can't wait to be home tonight and in his arms... I still don't have answers, but I am determined to take each reconnect as it comes!

Lady Cave!

The warmth of the sun is perfect, not too hot just enough to warm the skin. The melody of crashing waves in the distance lulling me into relaxing and luring me into sleep.  Even the slight breeze dancing through my hair is not enough to annoy but to calm and sooth, as I start to fall into sleep....

"Mom, hey Mom.... You awake?"

"Mom is in her happy place, please back away slowly and quietly."

"Um, Okay sure..But do we have any chips?"

"Master closet, in my sock drawer."

"Seriously Mom, why are chips in your sock drawer?"

"Why do we have chips in the middle of the week... Oh yeah, Mom hid them in her sock drawer."

"Huh, nice Mom.. Thanks!"

Now where was I ... Oh yeah, there was warm sun... Waves crashing in the distances and a breeze dancing through my...

"Hun, where are my dress shoes?"

"Storage, first unit, left side marked with a blue sticker and labelled 'Dress Clothes'."

"Storage huh, okay no problem I am going by there tomorrow so can pick them up. Thanks baby, sweet dreams."

Grrrrrrrr... Pounding on some pillows and readjusting the angle just a bit.  Deep calming breath, I can do this.

Sun.. Check!
Waves... Yeah okay.. Check!
Breeze...

"Moooommmmmm, Shelly says she has permission to go to the party this weekend! I am like the only one not going to be there and that is just soooooo not good for my social life.  You gotta let me go!"

"Talk to your Father, Mom is out of service and trying to find her happy place."

"But Moooommmmm, I need you on my side when I talk to Dad!"

Alright, eyes wide open now and to heck with the blankets and semi comfortable pillows.

"Honey, I say this with pure Mommy love... There is no way on God's green earth you will be attending that party this weekend!  It is unsupervised, I know that family and the parents are out of town so don't even for a second think I don't know what will be at that party. You are too young and we love you to much to let you put yourself into that type of situation."

Now I am up and shuffling her towards the intercom.. "Family meeting... Living room.. Get a move on people!"

I put my hand up to silence the teenage rant and deploy my best 'Make My Day' look and Alex strolled in from the garage.  It only took him a second to read the Mommy/Daughter stand off and take charge.

"Kaylee did you just wake your Mother, you know she needs her rest?"

"But I saw you just talking to her and Kyle was just in there before you!"

Now he was starting to get a clear picture of why I now stood frazzled and no where NEAR my happy place in the middle of the living room.  Kyle strolled in carry a half eaten bag of chips, plopped down on my clean and crumb free sofa and did his best "What up people?"

I had a wonderful LOL day and had so much fun with all the blog hopping, but by midnight I was in the ER.  I spent most the morning and into the next day in the hospital with a very high fever and massive infection. The right side of my face was swollen, my teeth hurt... It was miserable!  I had gotten the sinus infection from hell!!  Ugh.  So I was sent home with lots of GOOD drugs and told to rest.  I am a very active person and it's hard for me to relax, let alone to a nap in the middle of the day.  So it was already a challenge to rest on Thursday, but to have constant interruptions.  Ugh.

Alex came and swooped me up and started for the stairs.. "Mom is officially off limits until further notice."

He tucked me into bed and got the heating pad for me to put on my face.  He stayed with me until I was finally asleep and then he went down and took care of the troops.  I am MUCH better this week and happy to report that Kaylee's social life has not been stunted and she had a great weekend decorating the new house.  I have a new hiding place for the chips, so Kyle has some hopes of having chips later this week.... The biggest surprise... Alex is making my very own lady cave in the new finished basement!!! Wow, my very own space where I am just me and not wife, mom or worker bee... My new cave should be done by Christmas!

Can you hear me now?

By request, this post is to give more insight into my "spanky family".  :0)

Alex's family tree:

Alex (41 yrs old) - Married to me (17.5 years), 2 kids and we have always practiced DD

Chase (39 yrs old) - He lost his first wife to cancer (they had twin boys (14 yrs old) and a girl (12 years old)), but has remarried (2 years ago) and I don't know yet on the DD (they have a 6 month old boy)

Jay (37 yrs old) - Married to Lori (18.5 years), 6 kids they have practiced DD for the past 2.5 years 

Mark (32 yrs old) - Married to Stacey (4.5 years), 2 kids and they practice DD

Laci (30 yrs old) - Not married, but loves to be the fun Aunt

Steven (28 yrs old) - Married to Amy (2 years), they have a two month old little girl and they practice DD

Kenzie (25 yrs old) - Engaged and due to get married March of 2014

Tony (21 yrs old) - In college and a heart breaker... Sigh.

The usual family tree, just not large enough!!

So what is most helpful is that Lori and I are the same age and have known each other for a very long time.  Plus she married my best friend, so I know him some times better than she does or can give her dirt on him from our childhood.  (Yeah, cause that has never gotten me into trouble...Lie detector says: WRONG!) Stacey and Amy are only a year a part in age and clicked the second they met, so they have built a really good support system between them.  All four of us get along very well and we usually have a good grape vine communication between us.  So if one of us lands into some trouble the other three will be there for moral support, advice or all out venting.  It's when the four of us get together and have a glass or two (maybe three) of wine that we usually ALL end up in trouble.  (You gotta have some fun right?)

I am the only one that drinks red, but I will convert one of them!!

Jay and Lori are moving only a few blocks from us in early January, so that is going to be AMAZING!  Right now they live about 2 hours from us, so we still see each other at least once or twice a month. Mark/Stacey and Steven/Amy all live within an hour of us, so we see them just as often, in fact we all take turns hosting a monthly BBQ between our homes. It's an open invitation to his entire family and mine, but the majority of the time it is just our four families.  The rest of his family is scattered between our state and where we grew up in the mid-west. My parents do the six month split between here and the mid-west so they avoid snow in the winter and super hot temperatures in the summer.  My brother is married with two children, but he moved two years ago to the east coast. (I really miss them..)

It was our last BBQ get together that I am going to share with you.

So prior to the BBQ weekend Lori had said she got a call from Stacey informing her that Amy had landed herself over Steven's lap yet again. She has been spending a good deal of time over his knee since the baby was born and she is getting really done with the whole DD concept.  Lori and I suspect it is the lack of spanking during her later pregnancy that has caused them to get out of rhythm. So we were going to find a creative way of letting her know that Steven was probably just trying to get them back into a study rhythm again. (With her you can't go straight in, you have to dance around the issue a bit.)  We left the conversation with both of us thinking of how to broach this particular subject with her and regroup to see who was going to do the honors.  Well, we didn't get a chance to regroup and with my move and kid's school activities I didn't have a chance to come up with anything.  Lori must have similar excuses too, as we found ourselves looking at each other doing the eyes/eyebrow who is doing what communication.

The men were in Steven's "man cave", this is another tradition as all of them have one.  I don't mind, in fact I love that Alex has a place to shut himself away and relax. (He makes a mess, he cleans it up.. I don't even look into his man cave.) We women were in the kitchen enjoying a glass of wine and getting dinner ready. The kids were in the backyard and the baby was sleeping upstairs, so we had time to chat and catch up.  This is where Lori and I started have eye wars about what was to be said and by whom.  After our first glass of wine we decided why not one more, we still were going to eat so no harm in it really... So we were about mid point into our second glasses when I noticed a Verizon bill on the counter by their phone and I had a light bulb moment.  I looked at Lori in triumph and she rolled her eyes and humphed at me like it took you long enough.  (We do non verbal communication REALLY well, no one will let us be partners in Charades.)

Just as inspiration struct the baby monitor went off and we could hear little Beth was now awake, so we topped off our glasses (not a full glass refill, so it doesn't count!) and all went up to see her.  As Amy started to change Beth, I made my start... "Do you all remember those silly commercials with that guy that wonders all over the world and does the "Can you hear me now?" thing for Verizon."  I got two yeahs and a "what the heck" look from Lori, which I shot back a "give me a minute" look in return. (I told you we are scary good at the non-verbal.)  So I ventured on... "I was just thinking DD is sorta like that..."  Now I had everyone's attention, even little Beth was blowing baby bubbles in my direction at this point.  "I mean really if the provider doesn't offer good enough service, the reception is crappy and the customer is unhappy and frustrated."

"Just as if our husbands didn't provide strong enough direction/correction we would be frustrated and unhappy. You see we are the customers and our bottoms are the receivers if you will... If their direction/service is not strong enough and we don't get the message we need, well we are frustrated by it." You see this all started out in a very innocent way, I was being helpful and creative!!!  (You can stop laughing now, cause I know you are!!!) Amy was the first to recover from my little analogy, she said "great, now every time I get spanked I will feel like the Verizon guy is watching." It all went down hill from there.... Stacey gladly chimed in and said "well maybe we all should just stick to land lines, and forget the cell phones all together."  (Yeah, next time we need to bring her in on the plan ahead of time.)  But then Lori of all people came in with... "Well maybe the shape or size of the receiver could impact reception.. Or better yet the service providers strength would be a factor too.  Not all services are built the same right?"  Which then led Amy to "Let's just admit is lady's our husbands are just spank happy and no matter the type of build or shape of our butts...They just spank!"  Now you would think that Lori or I would have steered this back around at this point, being the older and more experienced wives...

Oh how I wish one of us would have been smart enough (sober enough) to sense the danger this was heading.  "Oh they don't spank, they "discuss" things with us." (Yes, that was me... Sigh) We then all went on a tirade of male bashing and spank happy spouses, at one point Stacey even threw out they all need a spanking themselves.  It was all giggles and they need to see our point of view once in a while or give us get out of jail free cards to negotiate with.  We had quite a few brilliant ideas of how to improve our husbands and how they ran things. This went on for at least 20 minutes before Beth got fussy and pulled us back to changing her.

Guess what else gets great reception in Stacey's house?

The baby monitor, that was still on and broadcasting our conversation to all the men who had come looking for us to see about dinner.  Yup, they stood there and listened to ALL of it.  So when we finally collected ourselves and headed back downstairs, it was the sight of four very angry men we saw standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting on us. Dinner was pretty late that night and we are all going to do are best not to EVER male bash again... When the baby monitor is close by!  HA!

Come on, it will happen again, we are only human after all.  But it will be quite some time, as the service providers were very strong and the receivers all got the message very well!! In fact during our "discussion" at home later that night, Alex asked me... "Do you hear me now, or do we need to discuss this more?" with a few swats to ensure the message was getting through... Grrrrrrr.

I really don't like that Verizon guy at all.....  

Loving Me Some Lurkers!

This post is dedicated to all the lovely lurkers that come by and read but for whatever reason shy away from saying hi....

I love to hear from people and so this is my plea to you... Come out of hiding and say a quick hello.

Well, I can help with that!!! 

De-Lurk Question List:

Take a look at the questions below, if you want to answer only one... That is great or if you get into it and want to answer more, then go with it!!  I will start out with super easy and get more personal so you have lots to pick from.  You don 't even have to tell me your name!!!  :0)

1. What is your most favorite movie character (not the actor/actress playing the character) and why?

2. What is the best introduction to a character you have seen in a movie and why do you feel it is the best or remembered? 

3. What movie have you watched the most times and could continue watching over and over?

4. Wine or beer or other?

5. Night out or night in?

6. Gym or Ice cream shop?

7. How many blogs do you currently follow?

8. Are you a spankno or spanko?

9. Do you practice in a DD relationship or just interested in reading these types of blogs?

10. If you could pick a subject for a future blog post what would it be?

Ok, there now you have a variety of things to get you started... 

But even if you don't de-lurk, I would still like to say:

For coming by and reading my little blog!

Have you ever asked to be spanked?

I am a complete water snob!  There, I am out.. I have confessed to my water snobbery..  I have water delivered, have had since I got pregnant with my son.  I don't trust the city water and I know that not all water bottled is a good thing either, but I trust this company.  The new house we are moving into has a super techie water filter on the entire house and a private well, so no more water jugs!  The jugs are 5 gallons and the water unit is pretty tall, so you have to lift the jugs and turn them over just right or water is on the walls...floors.. you.  It can be a mess.  I had an accident earlier this year and my back will just never be the same, so I was outlawed from touching the jugs.  If one needs to be changed it is my son or Alex and no one else is to mess with them.  The last two times that I have messed with the water jugs I was super stressed out.  I have a lot going on with my new position at work, selling our home and getting ready to move into our new home.  Plus the lovely daily adventures that teenagers bring to life and our monster puppy that eats anything that can't out run him.  I just have had a lot going on... So when I came home the other night and I couldn't get my nice cold glass of water because the jug was out.... Grrrrrrr and double grrrrrrrr!  I am getting that water one way or another it WILL be mine.

I softly announced we are out of water and could one of the strong men of the house please come fix the situation. (Oh fine, I bellowed we are out of water and was some one going to fix it before I did it myself!)  My only response was my daughter yelling down that the guys were not home and could I keep it down she is on a very important call and her friend is crying so she needed her full attention. Well then by all means honey girl go on back to your teenage drama cause I am about to create a full  on adult drama of my very own thank you very much.

The one on the right is almost the exact one we have... 

I went to the closet we keep the jugs.. I rolled one over to the kitchen and up to the dispenser and went to remove the empty.  It's almost like the jug was trying to help me out.. Seriously it wouldn't come off! Maybe the jug thought if I was given more time to rethink this situation I would come to my senses and all would turn out well. Poor sweet water jug...I was just way past coming to my senses at this point, I was going to have my victory... Oh yes, I was.  I finally got the jug off and made a decent mess with it, so I took it to the closet and grabbed a dish rag to clean up.  Now if I was thinking more clearly I would have waited to clean after I got the other jug on because there is just no way I am going to not make a mess doing this. Alright we are dry (yes we, the dispenser is in this with me now), the floor is dry and I am prying the lid off the new water jug.  Just as I am bending down to lift the water jug I hear a gasp from behind me... My daughter must have wrapped up the teenage drama and was now wondering into my adult drama and she didn't want any part of mine.  She said as much and ran back up the stairs to be sure she had the distance to stay out of trouble.  (Well fine you little trader, just wait until you want another pair of designer shoes!!!)

 I GOT THIS....

I got the jug on... Water was literally dripping from my arms, but it was on the dispenser and I did it!! HA!! Victory is mine....And that was the front door that just shut and here comes the guys.  I just have to marvel at how my husband always shows up just in time to catch me in the act.  My parents don't know a third of the junk I got into as a child, because they didn't have the knack of timing like Alex.  That is my theory anyway.

I have had several people ask me if I have ever asked Alex to spank me, for stress release or guilt. I can honestly say I have never verbally asked him to spank me.  Have I gotten him to spank me to release stress or guilt? Well, I had never thought about spanking as anything but a punishment until recently.  This water jug incident just happen last Friday so this question made me stop and really think.. I have never verbally asked for a spanking but I sure as heck have made sure I got one.  Sigh.  

Alex and I had our re-connection meeting on Sunday and we talked about this question and what I had concluded from the Friday incident. He agrees, I haven't lost my mind but I definitely need to lower my stress and if that means asking for help or him keeping me closer for a while it needs to happen.  I think in the end we agreed to both, but I am just happy he is going to keep a closer eye on me, as I am not sure I have the guts to ask for a trip over his knee..  Now if it was for a fun spanking.....  Totally different answer!