So when I left you last it was Tuesday around noon time here and I didn't know what to expect when Alex got home....
I got a text message from Alex around 2:30pm asking me to please be home by 5:30pm and to call if that was not possible. So I texted him back that I would be home by 5:30pm and did I need to pick anything up on the way. He said no, just be home and he would make sure dinner was taken care of since we had a lot to discuss. To which I replied... Um, discuss? (That is code for spank with us) He texted back sorry, he really meant talk and was hoping we wouldn't need a discussion but we would have to see. Sigh. But that put my mind at ease a bit and definitely improved my attitude, because honestly when I saw his text with discuss in there I got really mad. I was still in the state of mind that Jay was not listening to Lori and he totally picked a fight with me about it and I was ready for round two. (Yes I know... But that is where I was.)
So I came home to find the kids gone and one of Alex's best veggie grill dinners waiting for me. He even set the table all nice and had fresh flowers on the table, the sight drew a very girlie sigh from me. He came in from the porch with a huge smile on his face and a glass of wine for us both in each hand. How in the world is a woman to keep her mad on when she comes home to this??? So of course I took my glass of wine and gave him my best "hello handsome man who rocks my world" kiss. :0)
We sat down and had a wonderful dinner together, we talked about the kids and a movie we wanted to see. Alex even said we are going to start back up our date nights that got lost in the shuffle of moving and holidays. It was just wonderful and we stretched it out over an hour before we cleared away the mess and got the kitchen sorted out. (Why do men use so many dishes to cook? Especially when most of the cooking is done via the grill out back? Mystery question..) Anyway, we had a great dinner and cleaned everything up in harmony. Once all that was done Alex took my hand and pulled me into the living room, where he flopped back on the sofa and took me with him. He loves having me on his lap, and I love being there... Sitting, not over it belly down that is. :0)
He told me he was going to talk and he wanted me to listen with an open mind and heart and to let him get all the way through and then I would have a turn. I snuggled in and shook my head in agreement and got my head just under his chin were I feel the most safe and comfy.
Alex told me he had lunch with Jay and they talked about our little encounter the night before in front of Jay's house. He said that Jay feels really bad about how that went and he wants to talk to me about it. (I got a small smile on my face at that... He started it!) Alex continued by reminding me that he and Jay support each other much the same way Lori and I support each other. I tell Lori things that bother me about a situation or how Alex has acted to get her advice and support. Well Alex had talked with Jay during the time I had started blogging, as he too had his doubts. He also told Jay about some of the comments I was getting, as I had one particular person that was scary mean actually. I eventually got rid of them, but it was upsetting at the time and he bounced what was happening off Jay. At this point my mind was racing and so was my heart...
Jay was not sure of the blogging because of information Alex had shared that Lori and I had no idea he knew about. UGH! I just thought he wasn't listening to Lori... Then I was screaming in my head... WHY DIDN'T HE JUST TELL LORI THAT ALEX HAD SHARED THIS INFORMATION AND HE WAS UNSETTLED ABOUT HER TYRING THE BLOGGING THING. HELLO!!!!
Alex: "Stop! I can feel you working yourself up and that is not happening. You are going to keep an open mind and listen until the end without working yourself into a temper. Understood?"
Me: "Well technically the first time around you said listen with a open mind and heart, but nothing was said about working up a temper."
Alex: "We can continue this in another position if that would help you."
Me: "Um, open mind and heart... No temper. Got it, we are good! Promise."
Alex went on to say that Lori doesn't go and tell Jay everything you tell her and you don't come and tell me everything Lori tells you. So don't expect Jay and I to run to you two women and layout all of our conversations either. (Big sigh in my head...Grrrrrr) Jay is Lori's husband and he runs their family and has the final say in decisions concerning them. I know you love both Jay and Lori and you want to help them both, but in this case and probably many more to come the only way you can help them is to step back and let them figure this out between themselves. I am not saying you can't listen to Lori or Jay for that matter and be a shoulder to cry on... But I don't want you actively coming up with ideas or scheming with one or the other to get there way. Be helpful and not harmful. (That is one of his favorite catch phrases that I absolutely HATE. Dang it!)
You respect our marriage and its structure, you need to respect their marriage and its structure. I know that isn't easy because of the relationships you have with both Jay and Lori and time has changed everyones roles. But we need to start being very clear on where the lines or boundaries are for getting involved in their struggles. You know I would not allow them into our marriage disagreements, so why would Jay want us in theirs? Hmmmmm...
Me: "Um, my turn?"
Alex: "Yes, your turn." (Chuckle)
Me: " I get what you are saying and I really hate that it makes total sense. But I just want to say that it's easier for Jay and Lori to stay out of our business because you are the older brother and your siblings come to you for advice but you don't go looking for their advice over much."
Alex: "You might actually be surprised at how often I turn to Jay for advice where you are concerned. You too share the same brain waves or something and I never got invited to that particular club."
Me: "I really miss him Alex.... We haven't been the same for a long time and it feels really bad."
Alex: "He feels the same way, the two of you got off track a while back and haven't found a way to get back on again. That is why we have been invited over to their house tomorrow night for dinner. We are going to clear the air and start over and you and Jay are going to talk. Also... Don't freak out because I have already talked to the kids and they are in charge of the house and cleaning of any mess made prior to the cleaning lady coming on Friday morning."
Me: "What mess exactly is that?"
Alex: "All of the kids are coming here while we eat down the street... I am paying for pizza and they are going to watch videos."
Me: "Ok, I leave it your capable hands then."
Alex: "One more thing.. I want you to hold off speaking with Lori until tomorrow night, give them time to talk this out. We aren't going there to help them figure it out, we are going to clear the air and start new. Understand?:
Me: "So if Lori calls me I have to not answer?"
Alex: "She won't call you and if she does, then yes for the time being I am asking you not to answer. Jay and Lori need time to settle this without anymore outside interruptions."
Me: "Well this stinks, but if that is what you want then okay." (Sigh)
We did go over for dinner on Wednesday night and we all had a wonderful time! Jay did give us a run down of the outcome of Lori blogging or not blogging in this case. He didn't have to but I thought it was super nice that he felt compelled to outline his thought process and ultimate decision to us... Technically it was none of our business and after my nose being all up in his business I thought it was really big of him to include me. Jay and Lori sat down together on Monday night and read through my entire blog and had a some really good conversations. Tuesday night Jay sat down with Lori and discussed why he felt blogging wasn't something he was comfortable with her pursuing at this time. He said she is fine to read other's blogs and if she felt like she found some they should read together he would sit down with her and read them. He is not saying she will never blog, but he wants more time getting to know the community and what blogging is all about.
Jay and I had some time out back alone and we went down memory lane a bit... He couldn't believe I had written about how Alex and I had gotten together and about the night we did the fire drill in his truck. We both agreed that in the last couple of year and definitely since he and Lori started DD he and I had not been on track. He felt like I had traded him in for Lori as over the years I have gotten closer to her. I guess maybe since she and I had more to bond over, sharing this dynamic and being mothers it maybe had me push back from him.. He is now an HOH and those are scary creatures! He laughed at that and said he really had missed these kinds of conversations with me. I couldn't agree more, we had a GREAT time going down memory lane and he apologized for throwing information Alex had given him in confidence in my face. I apologized for double teaming him and not giving him the benefit of the doubt, that he was taking care of Lori. He also said that our argument on Monday night was the first real conversation we had had in a really long time and that made it even worse after he had calmed down. To which I totally agreed and thought maybe that is why I didn't tell Alex about it right after it happen. I needed to process everything I was feeling and really that process didn't come full circle until I was in his lap and talking openly about Jay.
So all is well this Friday morning! My house is now clean (the kids need to work on the definition of what a mess is!!!) and everyone is on the same page and happy for the moment!
Whew.. I am hoping for a super peaceful and stress free weekend!!!
P.S. - Thank you to everyone that came by and left me advice or just support, it meant the world to me. :0)