Wednesday, January 29, 2014

HOH Ticks....

Things that tell me where my HOH is...

When I am crossing a line or getting close all I need to do is watch his eyebrows tell me when to back down.  A small arch and I know he is getting annoyed and I should either continue with caution or back away and regroup.  The full arch tells me he is in HOH mode now and things will be talked about which could mean a "discussion" which I would like to avoid.  If his eyebrows are long gone into his hair line...Well let me just head on up to the bedroom and find the paddle for you to save time.  

The casual lean has caught me off guard once or twice, so if he is leaning in a doorway with his arms crossed or legs crossed at the ankle and he asks me a leading question.. Oh boy howdy my HOH radar goes off now.  If at anytime his legs widen and his hands end up on his hips or even goes close I am retracting, stepping back or putting my hands up to say.. Sorry, this was obviously a mistake. Unless I have let my temper get the better of me and I end up toe to toe with him and that never ends well...But yet I do it!  (I am shaking my head sighing as I type this, but it is so true.)

The tone of his voice can speak volumes, in that he doesn't get louder but lower when he is switching to HOH mode.  Seriously, the man doesn't raise his voice.  It goes lower and slows down to give me ample opportunity to catch each and every word he is saying.  If "Woman" is how he starts his sentence, I am in trouble... No ifs about it, I am in TROUBLE.  

I have more respect for fish that are caught and placed into a fish bowl for all to watch... My husband and I have been in a fish bowl for the last week as far as our teenagers are concerned.  We know it will pass and things will settle back down, but it has made me stop and watch Alex a bit more closely.   This year we will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary, have been a couple for 21 years and we basically grew up one block from each other.  So all in all we have been together a long time and so it is unexpected and throws me off when I find something new about him....

I noticed it for the first time on Saturday evening while we were getting ready for bed.  I was running back and forth from the bedroom to the bathroom doing my nightly skin cleansing ritual and turning down the bed and getting the monster settled on his doggie bed.  (This dog will actually come if you call him monster or brat now!! Seriously sad, we should just pick one of those two and go with it..) Alex was trying to have a conversation about our next few weekends as we are going to be super busy and he wanted to get organized.  He doesn't like when I don't give him my full attention and he had been trying to corner me for days to get this conversation started so it was annoying him I was running around multi tasking.  I was turning back around from turning down our bed to head back to the bathroom when I saw his right hand rubbing his leg..  I stopped and asked him if he was alright... Which resulted in a puzzled look from him.

Alex: "I would be better if you would sit still and have a conversation with me and not run around seeing how many things at once you can get done."

Me: "You were just rubbing your leg, does it hurt?"

Alex: "No, my leg doesn't hurt.  But your back side will hurt if you don't settle down and give your husband your full attention."

Needless to say I settled down and gave him my undivided attention for the rest of the night.

Sunday we were at the store getting the grocery shopping done together, which is very unusual.  We don't shop well together at all!  I have a list.... I follow the list, get what is needed and get out.  Simple and fast! Alex likes to pick things up, read the labels and compare ingredients and prices and rethink the need of buying each particular item.  So I split the list in half and hand him one half and took the other myself and headed towards the shopping carts.  I got maybe two steps before he had me and my list in his hands and told me we would be shopping together.  Grrrrrrr.  We made it to the pasta aisle twenty minutes into our shopping expedition (I would have been done and in the check out line at this point) when he tossed the rigatoni noodles into the cart right on top of the bread.  Now I am a type A personality, every thing has a place and every place has its thing.  My shopping cart has zones and these zones keep the groceries in order and in good shape.  So tossing noodle boxes on my bread sent me over the top a little.  (Oh fine it sent me spiraling)  I stopped the cart in the middle of the aisle and started a commentary on zones and guarding bread from roguish men tossing boxes.  Mid sentence I looked up and he was looking at me with one eyebrow cocked and his right hand was rubbing his leg....  That hand rubbing his leg got me back to reality and made me really concerned.  

Me: "Your leg does hurt!  What did you do?"

Alex: "What?"

Me: "You are rubbing your leg again!  I checked last night and didn't see any bruises or anything when did this start?"

Alex: "There is nothing wrong with my leg and you are blocking the aisle."

With that he took the cart and got us moving back along the aisle and told me the roguish man would refrain from tossing more boxes if his spit fire wife would forget zones for the rest of the shopping trip.  What a compromise...  :0)

Sunday evenings we have our weekly reconnection time and while we were settling into bed to start our talk I was playfully tossing the decorative pillows at him to make more room.  He had already started his serious I am HOH and we are going to discuss a few things speech at this point so when his hand went to rubbing his right leg... I had a light bulb moment!  Oh my gosh, he has another HOH tick!!!  I stopped and my eyes got really big and that got his attention.

Alex: "Honey, what is it?"

Me: "It's not your leg that has the problem, it's your hand. I have noticed two days in a row you rubbing your leg and I thought you had hurt it.  But it's not your leg at all it's your right hand!"

Alex: "Yes, my hand and I have conversation about the need to spank you.  You should be happy that I override the tingle in my hand more often than I probably should."

Me: "Your hand tingles because it wants to spank me?"

Alex: "Every day honey... Every day."

He seemed to think that was funny.. I didn't find the humor in it and got a bit huffy with him.  I said something intelligent like... "If you are going to get any new HOH ticks you should let your wife know so she can write them down or watch for them."  That made his eyebrow arch into full on HOH mode and well.. It went down hill from there and I ended up getting a NOT fun spanking.

Last night Alex asked me what I meant by HOH ticks and I explained them to him.  He just shook his head and said it would take him years to right down all the signs that I was in need of his attention.  Grrrrr.  Whatever! 


  1. I am sorry to hear about your "NOT fun spanking" this post had me giggling. You did a perfect job depicting "HOH ticks."
    Do you mind if I ask a couple questions? How long have you 2 practiced DD? Who brought it to whom? Just trying to get a feel for where my new friends are coming from... ;-)

    1. Hi Alyssa,

      To save you a bunch of reading... We have always had this dynamic, he put me over his knee for the first time before we were even married. It was him that brought it to the relationship and it's a family tradition that runs through generations of his family. I put several posts out last year telling the story of how we got together and started DD.. So if you ever get really bored you can read them. :0)

      Glad you got a laugh and that you came to visit! Can't wait to get to know ya better... :0)

  2. Oh... Yeah... The Man.. his eyebrows go up.. then they go down.. and his eyes get all... glinty.. Ya know what I mean? and it's all about the tone...

  3. Well Barney and I almost always grocery shop together. How does that go? Let's just say I was rejoicing with Susie the other day that I made it 2 weeks in a row without getting in trouble! What is with them wanting to take up residence in the grocery store? AND DON'T even get me started on unloading the cart.

    Um, we tend to end up with, ...SMACK...smack,, " And why are you always in such a hurry? Slow down...." blah, blah, blah... followed by more " And you load up those bags too heavy, there is no need and no need for YOU to try and pick them up..." smack, smack.

    Perhaps he has ticks at the grocery store...but I am usually 3 aisles over so I don't see them! bwahaha...ahem. right.

    Interesting post. Barney is not a door jam leaner. He is a side looker though. You know, doesn't quite turn his head just his eyes in my direction, then ever so slightly shakes his head, and elongates the blink. ALMOST like he is exasperated. I know right? pfft!


    1. I think its safer for all involved NOT to grocery shop together with your spouse. Seriously, every step of the experience is laced with land mines!! Getting the food out of their hands and into the cart... Ugh.. Then the cart load and unload.. Oh I get in trouble when I try to bring in too many groceries at a time too. I rather lug them in and be done and not make a million trips. Grrrrrr.

      Side looker huh... Now that would freak me out. So are you always on guard watching to see if he is trying to sneak a side look at ya then? Geesh that would fry my nerves. At least Alex is big and noisy so I see him coming. :0)

      So glad I am not the only one that gets into trouble trying to grocery shop with the HOH. :0)

    2. Week 3 no issues! Yay me!!! Oh and Barn even commented how nice it was that I was actually walking WITH him in the store. ( we MAY have had r/a before shopping...I don't care I'm still taking credit here!!!)

  4. Sorry your spanking wasn't fun :( My husband always goes shopping with me so he can pick up heavy items, make sure I look both ways before crossing the parking lot, etc.... grocery shopping with men is always a challenge it seems. But ever since Ash threatened to spank me while we were in the store (NOT quietly), even though I don't think he'd swat more than once or twice, I am always on my best behavior when we are out together. Hopefully he'll decide he's not needed there and will let you to it on your own from now on :)

    1. Hi River,

      Oh my goodness... He threatened you in the store! Ooops.. No fun. Alex has never swatted me in public, that would just be the worst. Unfortunately Alex read my post and decided he and I need to shop together and that it would be good for us. I can say that I am not happy and tried to change his mind, but he is set on it. Sigh. He also says he doesn't read all the labels, so I am going to keep my cell phone handy to document his activities.. HA! :0)

    2. Darn literate husbands! Sorry he decided that, but maybe once you catch him with photo proof he'll back off :) On the other hand, it could turn out well.....good luck!

    3. This last weekend's shopping trip went much better, but I think he was on his best HOH behavior. :0) Or maybe we both were trying to be good. Either way I am going to wait and see what happens in the next few weekends.. My phone will be handy at all times. HA!

  5. Lol Irish he suffers from itchypalmsyndrom haha
    This was funny, Balu actually shows me his hand at times to stop me in my tracks and it's a very good warning of stop right now or you'll be a very sorry little girl as he calls it :)
    We never go shopping together, only because he's always at work and I actually enjoy wondering round the supermarket and checking things out. I try to always go when kids are at school so I can do it in peace and quite :)

    Oh and the eyebrow thing, there must be a hoh school somewhere, I'm always shocked at how high it can rise, almost disappear in to his hair and have to stop myself from giggling lol

    1. Hi Missy,

      You made Alex laugh with your itchypalmsyndrom! Totally agree, they have to have a super secret HOH club or school where they all must practice and perfect their eyebrow raising capabilities to pass muster as a HOH! They probably even have a super secret hand shake too! :0)

  6. I'd take the kids to the grocery store any day over my husband.

    My husband has the eyebrow thing down. It is so hot. And he leans with his arms crossed. I'll be watching for other ticks.

    1. Hi Leah,

      I am right there with you!!! If I can drag my kids with me we divide the list in three and get the shopping done in no time.. So much nicer and they are then there to help load and unload too. Yeah, I hate to admit that when Alex goes into his most HOH moments he makes me drool. So very sad but true.. Sigh. :0)

  7. LOL that is funny! His palm tingles when he wants to spank you? My my! I will have to start paying better attention to see if SM has any HoH ticks :)

    1. Hi Sara,

      I have been keeping my eye on his hand.. Geesh, like I didn't have enough things to worry about! Now I have this rogue tingling hand of his. Ugh. You will have let us know if you find SM's ticks or if he has any new ones to add to the list of HOH ticks. :0)

  8. Lol oh the good old HOH ticks! Colin has quite a few of them himself. Its so funny when you stop and realize how many hohy things they do without even realizing it!

    1. Hi Kenzie,

      What I find amazing is that I know these ticks and watch for them.. Yet I still get into trouble. I mean if the signs are there.. You would think I could avoid what follows them. Sigh. Oh well, they have their HOH ticks and we get to find all the trouble in the world so they can use them. :0)