I am in the need to vent!!! So you have been warned...
I have been blogging since September of last year and brought my husband along shortly after I began. Yes, you caught it... Shortly AFTER I began. In the spring of last year I found this wonderful blog land and was literally sucked in. I would spend hours reading as many blogs as I could and every new blog I stumbled upon was a true gift. During this time I started having some major back issues and this impacted my ability to be as active as I usually am. I have had medical issues in the past due to internalizing stress and so kick boxing and running were my major outlets that allowed me to physically work out my stress and leave me a much happier person. No longer able to do this I was advised by my doctor to find other not so physical outlets... He mentioned journaling and my eyes crossed. But one night while losing myself in blog land I had a light bulb moment and thought.. I could try blogging as a journal outlet. Two weeks later I was creating a blogger account and staring at a blank screen waiting for me to write something.
Right around that time while reading other blogs, the subject of hiding blogs from husbands was a major theme on several blogs. Well I wasn't hiding mine, it was more a journal and who would actually read my journal, I am boring. BLAH! So on I went reading blogs and starting my journey with my own little blog. It took me a few weeks before it actually occurred to me that now I was getting close to hiding my blog from Alex. I think it was the guilt more than anything that had me opening up about blog land and this community on a weekend get away we had together. We were having some bumps in our relationship at that time and looking back now I can see that not sharing this new adventure with him right away did have a part in creating some bumps. He saw me pulling away and he initially thought it was due to the back issues and my being upset about having to adjust, but in time he knew it was more. So he took us away for a long weekend and with a bit of pressure... Oh fine, he pulled out just about every HOH trick in the book and I spilled my guts. Sigh.
Alex started reading blogs like crazy (I was shocked!) and now he has new HOH tricks every time I turn around. Grrrrrrr.. I was happy he was as interested in this blogging community as I was and he loved my blogging. At first I was super nervous about writing my thoughts, but then I got on a roll and it was super fun. I got to write our story and share it with others and ultimately got to relive it all at the same time with Alex. Really fun.
I decided to be brave and send a blog link to one of my sister in laws, not telling her what it was but that it might be interesting to her. After she got over the shock of their being others that have the same dynamic that tends to run in our husbands family (plus wow it has a name!) she couldn't believe I was actually blogging our story. She started moving around blog land and the community taking it all in and she too was super excited every time she found another blog. She lived a few hours from me at that time and we would start our Saturdays on the phone together drinking coffee and chatting about our weeks, but now we were drinking coffee and discussing blogs and the current themes in the community. After a few weeks I asked her if she thought blogging would be something she would like to do.... She was not sure and hmmmm and hahhhhed at me a bit. So I stepped back and gave her more time.
Well she lives a few doors down from me now so we talk just a TON more than we got to in the past few years. It has been GREAT!!! But we are just now finding out what living so close to each might mean when we speak so much and not paying attention to the ears that are around when we are chatting away. Sigh. She ultimately wants to start her own blog, but her husband is dead set against it. So I have been helping her come up with ideas for changing his mind, only we have not been very successful and maybe pushed a bit too hard.... Jay went to Alex and told him he felt double teamed. Grrrrrr. I never physically went and talked to Jay about this topic at all! Did I listen and support my sister in law in her want to blog, absolutely. I would do this for any friend not just a family member, this is what friendship is all about. Right!?!
I have now been told that I am not to scheme (his words, I don't agree) with Lori any further on this topic. Further Alex said, Jay has his reasons and as HOH of their marriage he has put his foot down and that is that. Well that is fine and dandy but Lori is not happy and she is still not settled and she needs support. I can't ditch her and her emotions on a subject that is so clearly important to her. Lori is not a pusher by nature, she is very relaxed actually. She chills me out and I get her riled up, so we complement each other that way. So I can tell how important this is to her if she is pushing this and not letting it go.... Plus I feel bad since I brought this to her and have talked about how much I am enjoying blogging and love the community and the ladies I have gotten to know. You know how you can carry on and on about new and exciting things in your life... Well this was my new and exciting thing to blab about for the last several months. Plus she and I have only told one other sister in law, about this community so it was fun we had an inside new thing to chat about.
Of course all of this would come to a head right after I have gotten into so much trouble lately... So not great timing. I can stay out of trouble!!! Honestly I can... But lately it just seems next to impossible. Sigh...
This brings us to last night... Jay was out front and I was taking a walk and so I stopped to say hi and chat for a few minutes. He started it... I wasn't going to bring it up! (See, being good!) But he went from nice weather we are having to why can't you and Lori leave this blog thing alone already, can't the fact you didn't tell Alex right away tell you it isn't maybe a great idea. WHAT??? I never told Lori that I didn't tell Alex right away... Nope, only Alex knew that. Jay and I have been close since we took naps together in kindergarten, so sometimes when he and I get into it... Well we really get into it. Sigh. I was like... GAME ON!
I won't go through the conversation, since he is so hyper sensitive to blogging I don't want to put his words out there more than I just did. But the conversation didn't go well and I ended up stomping the rest of the way home afterwards. I basically said he shouldn't throw things that happen in my marriage into my face if he doesn't want the same back in return. I also pointed out he should probably take the fact that she isn't letting this go like she normally does about most everything else since they started DD, as a sign of how much this means to her and a second or in his case third look at this might be warranted. (I might have made a comment about making glue too.. but we don't need to go there) He sees this as me pushing the idea and it not being her, which is just totally wrong. I am supporting her yes, but I am not making her bring this up to him over and over. She is doing that on her own. She feels like he isn't listening to her and he doesn't get why it is so important to her, so she keeps finding ways to bring it up and try getting through to him.
This morning as Alex headed out the door his cell went off and it was Jay... I don't have any idea if they talked about our encounter last night, but I am guessing they did. He knew I wasn't in the best of moods last night but I didn't tell him anything. I haven't heard anything from Alex since, so I don't know what to expect tonight. Lori called me this morning and said they had a long night but couldn't talk, she needed to get to class. Today is going to be a REALLY long day and tonight.... Sigh.